There is help for disabled adults. If they dont chose to accept that help, that is on them not us. My son has a nice two bedroom apartment, SSI, two part time jobs that still dont take away all his SSI, a case manager, Medicare/Medicaid, a payee which he is working hard not to need (this was court ordered), food share, we also drive him to an awesome food pantry near us, and a psychologist. He has a comfortable life bevause he accepts the help. He has frie ds and plays a few sports. He has autism. From a young age we made him do things for himself so he always did.
If we ask him to shovel our walk or do chores we give him a little money but he doesnt demand any.
He is very kind and giving and good to his family.
Any adult, disabled, can do what my son did. He was slso adopted and born with crack in his system but does not hate his birthmother or hate anyone, really.
I am not comparing Sonic to J as a person. So ic is very easy going and dislikes conflict and wants the comforts of life. He could never survive the streets. He us too naive. But his easygoing personality makes life eadier for him than for J. He goes with the flow.
J may be ashamed of accepting community help. Perhaps he feels it demeans him. Maybe he feels it is more socially acceptable for your mom to help you than society.
That doesnt change the fact that he is making himself more vulnerable by refusing Section 8 and other services. Livi ggi doors even in a not great neighborhood is more comfortable and safer than the streets, you would think. J doesnt have only two choices....20th or the streets. He has the X factor in Sevtion 8 or subsidized housing, which Sonic has. Sonic is in a decent neighborhood too.
I never did much of what is called enabling because we didnt have much extra money and because I wanted all of my kids to live independently from us. And to feel they could make it. Without us.
J CAN use SSDI services. He isnt totally needy even if he is disabled. He has options. One day he may choose to use those options. To me it seems that for all his complaining he is not that overly anxious to change his life. Some like the lack of structure, the lack of demands and the often close friendships on.the streets. Copa he has YOU as well but so far has missed your meetings. If he felt desperate to be there, wouldnt he have gone to them on time? You know him best.
I hope next time you can connect and that the meeting will conclude with a solution that will ease your heart 
Love hugs and Starbucks!!
