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what does family support look like to you?
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 408840" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>Unreliable support is as bad as no support. Possibly worse. If you have a sprained ankle and use a walking stick, but that walking stick occasionally bends, then you risk further injury. You would do better to rely on nothing and struggle, than to rely on something that risks letting go unexpectedly.</p><p></p><p>Family support - I live too far from most of my family. However, we support one another as best we can, mostly long-distance. One sister who was critically ill a year ago, suddenly had us family turning up to visit her even though she was unable to remember we were there (sedated on medazolam for several weeks). It was difficult for me at the time because I was right at the beginning of my cancer treatment, but we did what we could. It wasn't easy, we had to tiptoe around her control-freak husband. I felt like I was constantly hosing down potential family squabbles, but it is what you do when you give family support. I did not expect support in return - my sister is still recovering, still weak. I can't expect this form her when she has to focus on herself.</p><p></p><p>My mother spent time with each of her daughters when we had babies. All except me. Because by the time I had my kids, she was too old and frail. She felt bad about it, but because I had been there with her with the oldest ones, I knew what to do anyway. I managed.</p><p></p><p>Family support - my in-laws used to sometimes step in and mind the kids. Such as when I was in hospital having another baby and husband needed to work, the kids would stay with grandma and grandad. It wasn't brilliant and they found it a strain.</p><p>Family support can go beyond family - when difficult child 3 was born, I farmed out difficult child 1 to church friends for the week I was in hospital. They all had a wonderful time because difficult child 1 always did well in a 1:1 situation. It meant grandma & grandad had the two girls only, and they coped much better. We now return the family support because mother in law needs a lot of contact, needs to be ferried around a lot and we are down there every night having dinner with her to make sure she is eating right.</p><p></p><p>When you receive family support, you at some stage re expected to reciprocate. Even though such support is generally unconditional, if you do not reciprocate, the support dries up. </p><p></p><p>If you are managing without any family support, then carry on. it is a pity, but there it is.</p><p></p><p>My father always had a major hang-up about being beholden to anybody. If someone did a favour for him, he would worry about it until he had the chance to reciprocate. He tended to store up favours, often preferring people to NOT reciprocate, because that way he felt he stayed ahead. Even when he was dying of TB and emphysema, was struggling on oxygen, he walked over to his friend's house (his friend had ALS) and put in a hand rail for his friend. He dragged his oxygen bottle behind him on a trolley. Then he and his friend would sit and talk about mortality, as only two dying people can do together. They were not family, but this still is family support.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 408840, member: 1991"] Unreliable support is as bad as no support. Possibly worse. If you have a sprained ankle and use a walking stick, but that walking stick occasionally bends, then you risk further injury. You would do better to rely on nothing and struggle, than to rely on something that risks letting go unexpectedly. Family support - I live too far from most of my family. However, we support one another as best we can, mostly long-distance. One sister who was critically ill a year ago, suddenly had us family turning up to visit her even though she was unable to remember we were there (sedated on medazolam for several weeks). It was difficult for me at the time because I was right at the beginning of my cancer treatment, but we did what we could. It wasn't easy, we had to tiptoe around her control-freak husband. I felt like I was constantly hosing down potential family squabbles, but it is what you do when you give family support. I did not expect support in return - my sister is still recovering, still weak. I can't expect this form her when she has to focus on herself. My mother spent time with each of her daughters when we had babies. All except me. Because by the time I had my kids, she was too old and frail. She felt bad about it, but because I had been there with her with the oldest ones, I knew what to do anyway. I managed. Family support - my in-laws used to sometimes step in and mind the kids. Such as when I was in hospital having another baby and husband needed to work, the kids would stay with grandma and grandad. It wasn't brilliant and they found it a strain. Family support can go beyond family - when difficult child 3 was born, I farmed out difficult child 1 to church friends for the week I was in hospital. They all had a wonderful time because difficult child 1 always did well in a 1:1 situation. It meant grandma & grandad had the two girls only, and they coped much better. We now return the family support because mother in law needs a lot of contact, needs to be ferried around a lot and we are down there every night having dinner with her to make sure she is eating right. When you receive family support, you at some stage re expected to reciprocate. Even though such support is generally unconditional, if you do not reciprocate, the support dries up. If you are managing without any family support, then carry on. it is a pity, but there it is. My father always had a major hang-up about being beholden to anybody. If someone did a favour for him, he would worry about it until he had the chance to reciprocate. He tended to store up favours, often preferring people to NOT reciprocate, because that way he felt he stayed ahead. Even when he was dying of TB and emphysema, was struggling on oxygen, he walked over to his friend's house (his friend had ALS) and put in a hand rail for his friend. He dragged his oxygen bottle behind him on a trolley. Then he and his friend would sit and talk about mortality, as only two dying people can do together. They were not family, but this still is family support. Marg [/QUOTE]
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