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What does it take to do nothing?
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 651997" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>COM, good work with holding steady under the pressure of your sisters manipulations, your practice of silence is working well for you. I'm sorry about your cousin, may she rest in peace.</p><p></p><p>I think there is a similarity in silence and presence, the words we chose at your invitation awhile back. When I am present, it is easier for me to be silent. When I am here in the moment, present, I think silence is a natural result. </p><p></p><p>I have many '<em>opportunities'</em> to practice presence and silence. My daughter texted me this week asking me to help tow her car to another location using my roadside service. Usually, I respond immediately to any requests, even if I say no. This time I chose to not respond. I stepped back. I was silent. It just felt right, I was allowing it to all "percolate' within me to see how I felt about it. No rushing to save the day. We went to the ocean the next day. I gave it some thought and talked to my husband about it and decided I didn't want to do it. But my husband said he would do it if that was okay with me, he has more time and he felt willing. It was okay with me. I texted her our conditions which were very strict and all about my husbands convenience. I approached it more like how you would deal with a business proposition, just the facts. She declined the help saying she had found another option but she was so appreciative for our help, she stated how much she loved me and how much my support of her through all these years "meant more than she could put into words." </p><p></p><p>The irony did not escape me. Years ago I did everything for her and she was disrespectful, angry, unappreciative and demanding. Now I say no with major boundaries, she finds her own way and is respectful and grateful. What a difference. </p><p></p><p>My granddaughter is in college. She has a sum of money from her Dad's estate which at 18 is in her possession. It was a point of control for me, I had it all figured out how she SHOULD spend it, the RIGHT way. Well, I made a hard choice, instead of taking control of it I let it go. That was not easy for me. I thought, this will be a lesson for her. Not to say I didn't worry, I did. But slowly I began to let it all go. She made some choices I would not have made, but she also made some good choices. It's her money, she gets to do with it what she wants. I got to observe my thoughts during the process. My judgements, my "rightness," my control........and then one day, I just let it go. I actually can recall the exact moment. It was so freeing! It felt like a weight had been lifted off of my chest. </p><p></p><p>The experiences of letting go and allowing, of staying in that space of uncertainty, over time, offers a really enormous amount of freedom, liberation from the self imposed tyranny of the illusion of control. I didn't really understand or know how much power there is in being aware of your thoughts and being able to change them....to let them go...to change the trajectory of how those thoughts of control, of rightness, of judgement or blame or whatever, squeeze the life out of you........ to allow spaces between those thoughts to offer peace........the same concept in meditation..........the spaces between thoughts, where there is an emptiness, a nothingness, a void.......a silence........a presence.......<em>and peace is born there.</em></p><p></p><p>I've stepped back in all areas of my life, including here on this board......just observing myself and my reactions.......feeling more quiet and calm........not a lot of doing going on around here, there are vast amounts of time of NON DOING....just being.......I am new at this, so there are times it feels a tad shaky, but I'm committed to being present, to living here in the moment, in all the uncertainty that life truly is.......</p><p></p><p>"<em>It all works together, this moving into quiet, and peace, and uncertainty, and humility and letting go, it is a giant web of such a good way to live life. </em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em>I guess I could have never discovered it. Or discovered it much later. That is where my gratitude comes in"</em></p><p><em></em></p><p>I feel that way too COM, there is so much gratitude. I am grateful to my daughter. I am grateful to my parents. I am....... well......just....... grateful. It's a good place to be.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 651997, member: 13542"] COM, good work with holding steady under the pressure of your sisters manipulations, your practice of silence is working well for you. I'm sorry about your cousin, may she rest in peace. I think there is a similarity in silence and presence, the words we chose at your invitation awhile back. When I am present, it is easier for me to be silent. When I am here in the moment, present, I think silence is a natural result. I have many '[I]opportunities'[/I] to practice presence and silence. My daughter texted me this week asking me to help tow her car to another location using my roadside service. Usually, I respond immediately to any requests, even if I say no. This time I chose to not respond. I stepped back. I was silent. It just felt right, I was allowing it to all "percolate' within me to see how I felt about it. No rushing to save the day. We went to the ocean the next day. I gave it some thought and talked to my husband about it and decided I didn't want to do it. But my husband said he would do it if that was okay with me, he has more time and he felt willing. It was okay with me. I texted her our conditions which were very strict and all about my husbands convenience. I approached it more like how you would deal with a business proposition, just the facts. She declined the help saying she had found another option but she was so appreciative for our help, she stated how much she loved me and how much my support of her through all these years "meant more than she could put into words." The irony did not escape me. Years ago I did everything for her and she was disrespectful, angry, unappreciative and demanding. Now I say no with major boundaries, she finds her own way and is respectful and grateful. What a difference. My granddaughter is in college. She has a sum of money from her Dad's estate which at 18 is in her possession. It was a point of control for me, I had it all figured out how she SHOULD spend it, the RIGHT way. Well, I made a hard choice, instead of taking control of it I let it go. That was not easy for me. I thought, this will be a lesson for her. Not to say I didn't worry, I did. But slowly I began to let it all go. She made some choices I would not have made, but she also made some good choices. It's her money, she gets to do with it what she wants. I got to observe my thoughts during the process. My judgements, my "rightness," my control........and then one day, I just let it go. I actually can recall the exact moment. It was so freeing! It felt like a weight had been lifted off of my chest. The experiences of letting go and allowing, of staying in that space of uncertainty, over time, offers a really enormous amount of freedom, liberation from the self imposed tyranny of the illusion of control. I didn't really understand or know how much power there is in being aware of your thoughts and being able to change them....to let them go...to change the trajectory of how those thoughts of control, of rightness, of judgement or blame or whatever, squeeze the life out of you........ to allow spaces between those thoughts to offer peace........the same concept in meditation..........the spaces between thoughts, where there is an emptiness, a nothingness, a void.......a silence........a presence.......[I]and peace is born there.[/I] I've stepped back in all areas of my life, including here on this board......just observing myself and my reactions.......feeling more quiet and calm........not a lot of doing going on around here, there are vast amounts of time of NON DOING....just being.......I am new at this, so there are times it feels a tad shaky, but I'm committed to being present, to living here in the moment, in all the uncertainty that life truly is....... "[I]It all works together, this moving into quiet, and peace, and uncertainty, and humility and letting go, it is a giant web of such a good way to live life. I guess I could have never discovered it. Or discovered it much later. That is where my gratitude comes in" [/I] I feel that way too COM, there is so much gratitude. I am grateful to my daughter. I am grateful to my parents. I am....... well......just....... grateful. It's a good place to be. [/QUOTE]
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