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what flips their switch?
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<blockquote data-quote="aeroeng" data-source="post: 422781" data-attributes="member: 6557"><p>It is frequently hard to figure out what set it off, and when difficult child himself just shrugged his solders it is most likely that even he did not know what triggered the event. For us I think it was that difficult child had a lack of ability to manage conflicting wants with in his own mind. Example: he did not want his brother to touch his computer, yet he wanted his brother to fix it. Well you can't have both, but he wanted both, and could not manage that conflict emotionally so he would just get rude and angry over nothing. Your difficult child might have felt a frustration because he wanted to play with the friend, but also did not want to interrupt the family activity, and he was having the same type of struggles managing the conflicting wants in his mind. He knows he can't have both, but does not know how to deal with the frustration, and then just gets angry and rude.</p><p></p><p>As far as managing his rudeness in public. I never developed a good response to that. Staying calm, and not responding seemed to work the best. But, a lot of people gave me that disapproving look. I always found it embarrassing, frustrating, disrespectful and just plain not how I wanted to be treated. But anything other then the calm non-responding always just made it much worse. Attention when he does good helps. With time my difficult child has improved, so hang in.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="aeroeng, post: 422781, member: 6557"] It is frequently hard to figure out what set it off, and when difficult child himself just shrugged his solders it is most likely that even he did not know what triggered the event. For us I think it was that difficult child had a lack of ability to manage conflicting wants with in his own mind. Example: he did not want his brother to touch his computer, yet he wanted his brother to fix it. Well you can't have both, but he wanted both, and could not manage that conflict emotionally so he would just get rude and angry over nothing. Your difficult child might have felt a frustration because he wanted to play with the friend, but also did not want to interrupt the family activity, and he was having the same type of struggles managing the conflicting wants in his mind. He knows he can't have both, but does not know how to deal with the frustration, and then just gets angry and rude. As far as managing his rudeness in public. I never developed a good response to that. Staying calm, and not responding seemed to work the best. But, a lot of people gave me that disapproving look. I always found it embarrassing, frustrating, disrespectful and just plain not how I wanted to be treated. But anything other then the calm non-responding always just made it much worse. Attention when he does good helps. With time my difficult child has improved, so hang in. [/QUOTE]
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