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what flips their switch?
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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 422796" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>Alex The phase of the moon. <img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/emoticons/ghoul.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":ghoul:" title="ghoul :ghoul:" data-shortname=":ghoul:" />for 1ooo.oo please.......</p><p> </p><p>Try this - seriously. How to talk to kids so they will listen and how to listen so kids will talk. MOST times it's absolutely nothing, and to sit and figure out the W's (who, what, where, when, why) is maddening. You will only make yourself crazy trying to pick the perfect day as there is NO such thing to be created. Some days? They just happen; and when then do? You go with it, remember it twice - once for the day it is, and again for the day it isn't when you have a really bad day and think back to that day. </p><p> </p><p>Things you do in the meantime to survive are educate yourself on his particular disorder(s), Effective communication - a work in progress constantly, and why I so highly recommend this book to any and everyone teachers, parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles - you name it. I tell people all the time just because we give birth or adopt does not make us parents that are automatically born to speak 'child'. They're odd, wonderful, strange little beings who do things that are heartwarming, lovely and weird. Then there are difficult child's and it's a whole other ball game in a sand lot, where you're fairly certain most days there aren't any angels in the outfield and they guy pitching invented the 'heater' ball cause you'de swear you see horns when the lights just right. </p><p> </p><p>You can also explore and stay with different medications, therapy for him, therapy for your family, reading, research. All of these things, some of these things - none of these things....but one thing is certain. At the end of 21 years or 18 - depending on your state, when it's all said and done? YOU have to be able to live with the decisions you made, and the effort YOU put into placing things in your childs path and the lengths you went to helping him and know when he leaves your home? You did the best you could. Not a half job, not a mediocre job - but the best job you did before you cut him loose on the rest of the world. Otherwise in so many years? You still won't be sleeping at night. You won't be able to. A long time ago a nurse who used to work at a prison then came to the childrens hospital told me one simple thing - Either do the work now - or pay later. I knew exactly what she meant so I got to work, and worked hard. Hard as I could. Now? I can sleep at night -most nights. I made choices I could live with. </p><p> </p><p>Some days with your son are going to cut YOUR enjoyment short, and your outings short, and that's just the way of it. The time from 5-15 in our life? Was pretty much an experiment in Attempts to enjoy life, and do nearly nothing because we stuck by every gun when we said - IF you do this - we WONT do that. And we didn't. The few times that we did enjoy outings? Are those days I remember just like I told you above. And they are precious to me. But in ten years if all that made a difference so I have a 30 year old son that isn't dysfunctional an lives the rest of his life with someone and enjoys his life? It was worth it. </p><p> </p><p>If it doesn't make sense - feel free to ask me, but I think you're doing great! Don't forget too - to take time for just you or you and your husband.....But if the outing was planned for EVERYONE - and he misbehaves? Then no one goes. That was our rule. We stayed home - a LOT. </p><p> </p><p>As far as public outbursts? Ask me sometime about my tantrum in Kmart - lol. Pretty much solved embarrassing public moments. That and not going anywhere. lol </p><p> </p><p>Hugs</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 422796, member: 4964"] Alex The phase of the moon. :ghoul:for 1ooo.oo please....... Try this - seriously. How to talk to kids so they will listen and how to listen so kids will talk. MOST times it's absolutely nothing, and to sit and figure out the W's (who, what, where, when, why) is maddening. You will only make yourself crazy trying to pick the perfect day as there is NO such thing to be created. Some days? They just happen; and when then do? You go with it, remember it twice - once for the day it is, and again for the day it isn't when you have a really bad day and think back to that day. Things you do in the meantime to survive are educate yourself on his particular disorder(s), Effective communication - a work in progress constantly, and why I so highly recommend this book to any and everyone teachers, parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles - you name it. I tell people all the time just because we give birth or adopt does not make us parents that are automatically born to speak 'child'. They're odd, wonderful, strange little beings who do things that are heartwarming, lovely and weird. Then there are difficult child's and it's a whole other ball game in a sand lot, where you're fairly certain most days there aren't any angels in the outfield and they guy pitching invented the 'heater' ball cause you'de swear you see horns when the lights just right. You can also explore and stay with different medications, therapy for him, therapy for your family, reading, research. All of these things, some of these things - none of these things....but one thing is certain. At the end of 21 years or 18 - depending on your state, when it's all said and done? YOU have to be able to live with the decisions you made, and the effort YOU put into placing things in your childs path and the lengths you went to helping him and know when he leaves your home? You did the best you could. Not a half job, not a mediocre job - but the best job you did before you cut him loose on the rest of the world. Otherwise in so many years? You still won't be sleeping at night. You won't be able to. A long time ago a nurse who used to work at a prison then came to the childrens hospital told me one simple thing - Either do the work now - or pay later. I knew exactly what she meant so I got to work, and worked hard. Hard as I could. Now? I can sleep at night -most nights. I made choices I could live with. Some days with your son are going to cut YOUR enjoyment short, and your outings short, and that's just the way of it. The time from 5-15 in our life? Was pretty much an experiment in Attempts to enjoy life, and do nearly nothing because we stuck by every gun when we said - IF you do this - we WONT do that. And we didn't. The few times that we did enjoy outings? Are those days I remember just like I told you above. And they are precious to me. But in ten years if all that made a difference so I have a 30 year old son that isn't dysfunctional an lives the rest of his life with someone and enjoys his life? It was worth it. If it doesn't make sense - feel free to ask me, but I think you're doing great! Don't forget too - to take time for just you or you and your husband.....But if the outing was planned for EVERYONE - and he misbehaves? Then no one goes. That was our rule. We stayed home - a LOT. As far as public outbursts? Ask me sometime about my tantrum in Kmart - lol. Pretty much solved embarrassing public moments. That and not going anywhere. lol Hugs [/QUOTE]
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