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What have i done so wrong to make my adult daughter dislike me so much?
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 603844" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>Ellie, your relationship with your daughter is not healthy. I read your entire post, it is a sad tale, one in which you will continue to suffer if you don't change. The truth as I see it is that you and your daughter are enmeshed in a codependent relationship where you enable her, rescue her and she manipulates you and does not appreciate anything you do, only uses you again. This is unhealthy for both of you. Your self worth should not hinge on what anyone else does or doesn't do, the fact that it does reflects how tentative your hold on your self worth is. In my opinion, the only way you can begin the process of forming a healthy relationship with your daughter is to form one with yourself first. Somewhere along the way you did not develop a solid self based in self love, self respect and self acceptance. </p><p></p><p>Your daughter is not treating you with any respect. Your partner and best friend don't appear to have treated you too much better. Others treat us the way we allow them to, you have allowed others to treat you shabbily. If I were in your shoes, I would seek professional help, a therapist, someone who will guide me out of being a victim of others behavior. </p><p></p><p>You are in an unhealthy dynamic with your daughter. You will need help to change it. If you can heal this within you, you can then begin to form a different kind of relationship with your daughter, one in which you can feel valued, respected, loved and trusting. But, more importantly, you will form a healthier relationship with yourself so that you can make choices which nurture you, put you in connections where you are loved and accepted and offer you a sense of inner peace. </p><p></p><p>The best support I can offer you about your daughter is to work on YOU first. Put her aside for the moment, put all of your worries about your daughter and her partner and your grandchildren on the side for awhile, and find support for YOU. You deserve that. You deserve to be happy and have others care for you in loving ways, but only you can make that happen. Unfortunately we train those around us to treat us a certain way and you've trained your daughter to not value you. Giving her money to purchase gifts for others who treat you badly and then receive a card from her is very telling. She is treating you exactly how you allowed her to treat you..............and now that is a pattern. You can change that pattern, but it is going to take work on your part. Building your self esteem and your self worth and your self love will make a tremendous difference in the way you will insist that others treat you. I wish you love Ellie, you deserve that.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 603844, member: 13542"] Ellie, your relationship with your daughter is not healthy. I read your entire post, it is a sad tale, one in which you will continue to suffer if you don't change. The truth as I see it is that you and your daughter are enmeshed in a codependent relationship where you enable her, rescue her and she manipulates you and does not appreciate anything you do, only uses you again. This is unhealthy for both of you. Your self worth should not hinge on what anyone else does or doesn't do, the fact that it does reflects how tentative your hold on your self worth is. In my opinion, the only way you can begin the process of forming a healthy relationship with your daughter is to form one with yourself first. Somewhere along the way you did not develop a solid self based in self love, self respect and self acceptance. Your daughter is not treating you with any respect. Your partner and best friend don't appear to have treated you too much better. Others treat us the way we allow them to, you have allowed others to treat you shabbily. If I were in your shoes, I would seek professional help, a therapist, someone who will guide me out of being a victim of others behavior. You are in an unhealthy dynamic with your daughter. You will need help to change it. If you can heal this within you, you can then begin to form a different kind of relationship with your daughter, one in which you can feel valued, respected, loved and trusting. But, more importantly, you will form a healthier relationship with yourself so that you can make choices which nurture you, put you in connections where you are loved and accepted and offer you a sense of inner peace. The best support I can offer you about your daughter is to work on YOU first. Put her aside for the moment, put all of your worries about your daughter and her partner and your grandchildren on the side for awhile, and find support for YOU. You deserve that. You deserve to be happy and have others care for you in loving ways, but only you can make that happen. Unfortunately we train those around us to treat us a certain way and you've trained your daughter to not value you. Giving her money to purchase gifts for others who treat you badly and then receive a card from her is very telling. She is treating you exactly how you allowed her to treat you..............and now that is a pattern. You can change that pattern, but it is going to take work on your part. Building your self esteem and your self worth and your self love will make a tremendous difference in the way you will insist that others treat you. I wish you love Ellie, you deserve that. [/QUOTE]
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What have i done so wrong to make my adult daughter dislike me so much?
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