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What have i done so wrong to make my adult daughter dislike me so much?
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 603934" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Ok, and thank you for sharing. It must have been very painful for all of you.</p><p></p><p>To me, it sounds like your daughter has learned to go where the money is. So many people have tried to "buy" her. She also seems to be independent, maybe because she had to deal with a split family and varying people with various personalities. The bottom line is, no matter what happened, we are not psychologists. We are just moms. Your daughter, for her own reasons, wishes to see you only when she wishes to. It may be a fierce independent streak, resentment from the old days, her personality, meanness, anything really. </p><p></p><p>She also does not want to discuss her past. This is fair game. She may not be ready to discuss it with you. She may never be ready to discuss it with you or anyone else. If she does discuss it, she may choose a therapist to help her put her head on straight. A LOT has happened in her short life and she has not figured it out yet. The actual story of her life is not what is important anymore. It can't be undone and you did the BEST you could. This is what you CAN control.</p><p></p><p>You can control your own life. You can go to your own therapist to talk about your angst with your daughter...it helps! You can make new friends, join new activities, and make a full, rich, happy life for yourself and let your daughter have the space she needs while you have a great time yourself. Her problems are between herself and herself. Or herself and her partner.</p><p></p><p>You seem to anger your daughter a lot when you put your .02 in. This means she DOES NOT WANT TO HEAR YOUR OPINION about her, her relationship, her child, anything. If you wnat to listen, then listen but don't offer your opinion. She doesn't WANT it. I do a lot of listening to my kids without telling them what I think they should do or what I think they should feel or what is wrong in their lives. I had to learn to do this. I am naturally opinionated, but found that just because I have an opinion, that d oesn't mean that my kids necessarily want me to air it. It can cause resentment,</p><p></p><p>As for granddaughter, listen but again try not to give an opinion. She may mean what she says and she may be manipulating you. For whatever reason she tells you what she does, your daughter is not going to leave her partner because of her kid's dislike of him. I wish more people would take what is best for the kid into consideration, but most do not and stay with partner regardless of child's feelings on the matter. I gently remind you that you stayed with an abusive man and also married another one that you don't even want to talk about. Let your daughter deal with her daughter, just like you were the one who dealt with yours in the best way you knew how. Stay out of it. JMO.</p><p></p><p>Your daughter will come to you when the time is right, if the time is ever right. You can't keep badgering her for her "whys" (many that she may not really know) and not expect her to want to put a distance between you...a bigger one. She is moving ahead to her future and would probably be happy to see you moving ahead with your own activities and friends. </p><p></p><p>Again, I urge you to see a therapist for yourself. I'll bet once your stop trying to cling to your daughter things may relax with her. And maybe not, but at least you'll be happier. You need goals and a purpose to your life that exists outside of anybody else in the world, even your daughter. I want you to look in the mirror, hold your head up high, and tell yourself EVERY MORNING what a GOOD mother you tried to be and how you did the best you could. ALL OF US MAKE MISTAKES! You have a good heart and tried your best and THAT is a good mother!!!!</p><p></p><p>Huggggs and I wish you luck. Keep us posted! <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 603934, member: 1550"] Ok, and thank you for sharing. It must have been very painful for all of you. To me, it sounds like your daughter has learned to go where the money is. So many people have tried to "buy" her. She also seems to be independent, maybe because she had to deal with a split family and varying people with various personalities. The bottom line is, no matter what happened, we are not psychologists. We are just moms. Your daughter, for her own reasons, wishes to see you only when she wishes to. It may be a fierce independent streak, resentment from the old days, her personality, meanness, anything really. She also does not want to discuss her past. This is fair game. She may not be ready to discuss it with you. She may never be ready to discuss it with you or anyone else. If she does discuss it, she may choose a therapist to help her put her head on straight. A LOT has happened in her short life and she has not figured it out yet. The actual story of her life is not what is important anymore. It can't be undone and you did the BEST you could. This is what you CAN control. You can control your own life. You can go to your own therapist to talk about your angst with your daughter...it helps! You can make new friends, join new activities, and make a full, rich, happy life for yourself and let your daughter have the space she needs while you have a great time yourself. Her problems are between herself and herself. Or herself and her partner. You seem to anger your daughter a lot when you put your .02 in. This means she DOES NOT WANT TO HEAR YOUR OPINION about her, her relationship, her child, anything. If you wnat to listen, then listen but don't offer your opinion. She doesn't WANT it. I do a lot of listening to my kids without telling them what I think they should do or what I think they should feel or what is wrong in their lives. I had to learn to do this. I am naturally opinionated, but found that just because I have an opinion, that d oesn't mean that my kids necessarily want me to air it. It can cause resentment, As for granddaughter, listen but again try not to give an opinion. She may mean what she says and she may be manipulating you. For whatever reason she tells you what she does, your daughter is not going to leave her partner because of her kid's dislike of him. I wish more people would take what is best for the kid into consideration, but most do not and stay with partner regardless of child's feelings on the matter. I gently remind you that you stayed with an abusive man and also married another one that you don't even want to talk about. Let your daughter deal with her daughter, just like you were the one who dealt with yours in the best way you knew how. Stay out of it. JMO. Your daughter will come to you when the time is right, if the time is ever right. You can't keep badgering her for her "whys" (many that she may not really know) and not expect her to want to put a distance between you...a bigger one. She is moving ahead to her future and would probably be happy to see you moving ahead with your own activities and friends. Again, I urge you to see a therapist for yourself. I'll bet once your stop trying to cling to your daughter things may relax with her. And maybe not, but at least you'll be happier. You need goals and a purpose to your life that exists outside of anybody else in the world, even your daughter. I want you to look in the mirror, hold your head up high, and tell yourself EVERY MORNING what a GOOD mother you tried to be and how you did the best you could. ALL OF US MAKE MISTAKES! You have a good heart and tried your best and THAT is a good mother!!!! Huggggs and I wish you luck. Keep us posted! :) [/QUOTE]
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What have i done so wrong to make my adult daughter dislike me so much?
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