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What have i done so wrong to make my adult daughter dislike me so much?
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<blockquote data-quote="DammitJanet" data-source="post: 603970" data-attributes="member: 1514"><p>I can somewhat understand both of your sides. I have physical issues which make it difficult to get around town and make friends. Actually I was never very good at making or keeping friends at any time in my life. I also tended to buy my friends which really didnt work out well. I have learned not to do the buying of friends but I still dont have many (any) friends in real life. I have plenty on here and Im sure if we lived closer I would then have friends in real life but for now, online has to work for me.</p><p></p><p>I also understand you wanting to hear from your daughter, you wanting to be involved in your grandchildren's lives. I almost lost my mind when my oldest granddaughter moved away from me for 2 years. We have always been extremely close so that hurt a lot especially because I didnt hear from her often and at her age she wasnt one for talking much on the phone. Now that she is back with us I am thrilled and so is she. I am very thankful that her mom lets us have a lot of time together. However, as a daughter, when my parents were alive I wasnt as attentive to them as I most likely should have been. One time even my step-mother scolded me because I didnt call my father often enough. I tried to call more but I often felt a bit imposed upon because the phone works both ways. He could just as easily called me to talk. I was so busy raising a family at that point that remembering to phone him wasnt always at the top of my list but I would have made the time to talk to him if he had called me.</p><p></p><p>Now that I have grown kids, with lives of their own, I dont expect daily reports. When my first child to move out left home, he called us all the time. Over time it has grown less often. He lives over 300 miles from me so we dont see him as often as I would like but we do try to get together at least 4 times a year. I get that he and his wife are busy. If I want to talk to him, I call and he will talk as long as he can. My other kids are closer so it isnt an issue. </p><p></p><p>I do think I hear a bit of desperation in your post. You seem to be taking on the responsibility for everything that has gone wrong in your life and your daughters. Parents really dont have that much power over their kids...especially adult kids. You both have to learn to exist as people apart from each other before you are going to have that perfect family...if that even exists. I believe that once you find yourself and what makes you happy outside of your daughter and her family, you will be more accepting of your daughter. She might even take your example and learn to grow herself. I would stop financing anything for her too. She is grown and has a family. She should be able to deal with things. </p><p></p><p>I hope things start getting better for you.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="DammitJanet, post: 603970, member: 1514"] I can somewhat understand both of your sides. I have physical issues which make it difficult to get around town and make friends. Actually I was never very good at making or keeping friends at any time in my life. I also tended to buy my friends which really didnt work out well. I have learned not to do the buying of friends but I still dont have many (any) friends in real life. I have plenty on here and Im sure if we lived closer I would then have friends in real life but for now, online has to work for me. I also understand you wanting to hear from your daughter, you wanting to be involved in your grandchildren's lives. I almost lost my mind when my oldest granddaughter moved away from me for 2 years. We have always been extremely close so that hurt a lot especially because I didnt hear from her often and at her age she wasnt one for talking much on the phone. Now that she is back with us I am thrilled and so is she. I am very thankful that her mom lets us have a lot of time together. However, as a daughter, when my parents were alive I wasnt as attentive to them as I most likely should have been. One time even my step-mother scolded me because I didnt call my father often enough. I tried to call more but I often felt a bit imposed upon because the phone works both ways. He could just as easily called me to talk. I was so busy raising a family at that point that remembering to phone him wasnt always at the top of my list but I would have made the time to talk to him if he had called me. Now that I have grown kids, with lives of their own, I dont expect daily reports. When my first child to move out left home, he called us all the time. Over time it has grown less often. He lives over 300 miles from me so we dont see him as often as I would like but we do try to get together at least 4 times a year. I get that he and his wife are busy. If I want to talk to him, I call and he will talk as long as he can. My other kids are closer so it isnt an issue. I do think I hear a bit of desperation in your post. You seem to be taking on the responsibility for everything that has gone wrong in your life and your daughters. Parents really dont have that much power over their kids...especially adult kids. You both have to learn to exist as people apart from each other before you are going to have that perfect family...if that even exists. I believe that once you find yourself and what makes you happy outside of your daughter and her family, you will be more accepting of your daughter. She might even take your example and learn to grow herself. I would stop financing anything for her too. She is grown and has a family. She should be able to deal with things. I hope things start getting better for you. [/QUOTE]
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What have i done so wrong to make my adult daughter dislike me so much?
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