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What have i done so wrong to make my adult daughter dislike me so much?
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 604022" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>I had a child who we adopted at age six walk out forever. It didn't hurt him. It hurt me. I learned how to deal with it and that involved acceptance. You can not make ANYONE do what you want them to do. The only person you have control over is YOU. The more you try, the more it will drive your daughter and grandchildren away. Some kids are oki with an overly involved mother, but many grown kids are not ok with this and will make sure it doesn't happen. Your phone call play is NOT healthy for either of you. You are asking something of her which she doesn't want to give then getting angry and mad when she can't give it to you. </p><p></p><p>I think Recovering said it all. One can read one hundred books about codependency. The only way to learn not to be codependent is to not be codependent. That means not being overly controlling, bossy, or telling everyone what we think of what they do in the misconstrued belief that only we are right and we can fix it/them. I was like you. It doesn't work. It causes resentment. The only thing that works is to accept. You will see your daughter when she wants to see you. You will see your grandchildren when she invites you. Don't make such a pest of yourself (lol) that she moves three thousand miles away. </p><p></p><p>I rely on my friends and family, including kids, who are good to me and don't try to force my nasty kid to be nice. It won't happen.</p><p></p><p>I hope you can learn to detach and make a nice life for yourself apart from your daughter!!! Take care.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 604022, member: 1550"] I had a child who we adopted at age six walk out forever. It didn't hurt him. It hurt me. I learned how to deal with it and that involved acceptance. You can not make ANYONE do what you want them to do. The only person you have control over is YOU. The more you try, the more it will drive your daughter and grandchildren away. Some kids are oki with an overly involved mother, but many grown kids are not ok with this and will make sure it doesn't happen. Your phone call play is NOT healthy for either of you. You are asking something of her which she doesn't want to give then getting angry and mad when she can't give it to you. I think Recovering said it all. One can read one hundred books about codependency. The only way to learn not to be codependent is to not be codependent. That means not being overly controlling, bossy, or telling everyone what we think of what they do in the misconstrued belief that only we are right and we can fix it/them. I was like you. It doesn't work. It causes resentment. The only thing that works is to accept. You will see your daughter when she wants to see you. You will see your grandchildren when she invites you. Don't make such a pest of yourself (lol) that she moves three thousand miles away. I rely on my friends and family, including kids, who are good to me and don't try to force my nasty kid to be nice. It won't happen. I hope you can learn to detach and make a nice life for yourself apart from your daughter!!! Take care. [/QUOTE]
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What have i done so wrong to make my adult daughter dislike me so much?
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