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What have i done so wrong to make my adult daughter dislike me so much?
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 604139" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>HI again.</p><p></p><p>This will be my last response. I feel I am becoming repetitious...lol. Although you say you are not overly involved with your daughter, I see signs that say you are. My daughter #1 lives in Chicago and I live in Wisconsin. She works tons and when not working is often tired or busy with her SO. I talk to her maybe once a week and we are still very close. It's how we feel in our hearts and how she reaches out whenever she needs me and how I keep in touch in spite of both of our busy schedules.</p><p></p><p> It's not how much contact you have or how much you see one another...and your granddaughter will survive without you around too. You have to accept it in order to be happy. Being close in your hearts and love is not the same as being enmeshed and needing to know your daughter's every move or thought. She wants freedom to keep this to herself.</p><p></p><p>Your daughter sets the boundaries. It is possible that one day she will only want to see your three times a year. Or she may move to another state. Not saying it will happen, but it could. And maybe she doesn't WANT to do activities with you?? She is telling you to back off and you're trying to figure out why. It doesn't matter why. It is what she wants and needs, both in phone contact and in real life contact. The more you push, t he more she will back away. Very few parents see their grown kids that often these days. </p><p></p><p>Do you have a job so you have something to do? Could you volunteer? Can you make friends in THIS area? Do you have any hobbies? Go to church? You need to make your main contacts your friends or you will be miserable and make your daughter miserable too. She may react by seeing less and less of you. SHe isn't your little girl anymore. Yes, in your head she will always be. But in her head she is an adult with a life and a too-demanding-of-her-time mom who wants too much from her. And that's likely how hse feels even if YOU feel you DON'T demand too much time from her.</p><p></p><p>I could add that my seventeen year old is still living at home, but I am so busy and she is so busy that we pass in the night nad laugh about it, but we are very close and love each other very much. Maybe once a week we have a mom/daughter lunch to catch up. She will go away to college next year. I will miss her greatly, but I am building a group of fun activities that keep me very occupied plus I have my husband. Ever think of dating again (wink)? <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /></p><p></p><p>Your daughter doesn't need your money. She has a SO and should have a job. Seems you may give it to her as a way of keeping her around. Perhaps you're afraid she will disappear altogether if you cut off the money supplyl. I have no idea. It shouldn't be that way. She shouldn't be asking Mom for money at her age. Apprently, though, she will.</p><p></p><p>I have no other insight or advice to offer other than you are overly involved with your adult daughter and that you will not be happy until you move on. That means you don't depend on her for a lot of phone contact or Mom/Daughter days or think your granddaughter can't live without you. Of course she asks about you when she talks to you, but she probably moves on when she isn't talking to you. That's what kids do. </p><p></p><p>I suggest Al-Anon/Narc-Anon or a new therapist even if you have to start over so that you can start building a life that is satisfying to you, in spite of what your daughter is doing. You need to let go to be happy. You are depending on a very unpredictable and not a good natured daughter for your fulfillment and are ruminating over her every move. It's a waste of time. Life is short. I hope you live it for yourself, no matter what choices your daughter makes regarding your relationship. Don't let her be in charge of your happiness. Learn to detach <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /></p><p></p><p>Good luck. Keep us posted.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 604139, member: 1550"] HI again. This will be my last response. I feel I am becoming repetitious...lol. Although you say you are not overly involved with your daughter, I see signs that say you are. My daughter #1 lives in Chicago and I live in Wisconsin. She works tons and when not working is often tired or busy with her SO. I talk to her maybe once a week and we are still very close. It's how we feel in our hearts and how she reaches out whenever she needs me and how I keep in touch in spite of both of our busy schedules. It's not how much contact you have or how much you see one another...and your granddaughter will survive without you around too. You have to accept it in order to be happy. Being close in your hearts and love is not the same as being enmeshed and needing to know your daughter's every move or thought. She wants freedom to keep this to herself. Your daughter sets the boundaries. It is possible that one day she will only want to see your three times a year. Or she may move to another state. Not saying it will happen, but it could. And maybe she doesn't WANT to do activities with you?? She is telling you to back off and you're trying to figure out why. It doesn't matter why. It is what she wants and needs, both in phone contact and in real life contact. The more you push, t he more she will back away. Very few parents see their grown kids that often these days. Do you have a job so you have something to do? Could you volunteer? Can you make friends in THIS area? Do you have any hobbies? Go to church? You need to make your main contacts your friends or you will be miserable and make your daughter miserable too. She may react by seeing less and less of you. SHe isn't your little girl anymore. Yes, in your head she will always be. But in her head she is an adult with a life and a too-demanding-of-her-time mom who wants too much from her. And that's likely how hse feels even if YOU feel you DON'T demand too much time from her. I could add that my seventeen year old is still living at home, but I am so busy and she is so busy that we pass in the night nad laugh about it, but we are very close and love each other very much. Maybe once a week we have a mom/daughter lunch to catch up. She will go away to college next year. I will miss her greatly, but I am building a group of fun activities that keep me very occupied plus I have my husband. Ever think of dating again (wink)? :) Your daughter doesn't need your money. She has a SO and should have a job. Seems you may give it to her as a way of keeping her around. Perhaps you're afraid she will disappear altogether if you cut off the money supplyl. I have no idea. It shouldn't be that way. She shouldn't be asking Mom for money at her age. Apprently, though, she will. I have no other insight or advice to offer other than you are overly involved with your adult daughter and that you will not be happy until you move on. That means you don't depend on her for a lot of phone contact or Mom/Daughter days or think your granddaughter can't live without you. Of course she asks about you when she talks to you, but she probably moves on when she isn't talking to you. That's what kids do. I suggest Al-Anon/Narc-Anon or a new therapist even if you have to start over so that you can start building a life that is satisfying to you, in spite of what your daughter is doing. You need to let go to be happy. You are depending on a very unpredictable and not a good natured daughter for your fulfillment and are ruminating over her every move. It's a waste of time. Life is short. I hope you live it for yourself, no matter what choices your daughter makes regarding your relationship. Don't let her be in charge of your happiness. Learn to detach :) Good luck. Keep us posted. [/QUOTE]
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What have i done so wrong to make my adult daughter dislike me so much?
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