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What have i done so wrong to make my adult daughter dislike me so much?
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<blockquote data-quote="elliedeb" data-source="post: 604142" data-attributes="member: 16735"><p>Hi again, I understand why you feel you are becoming repetitious, It must be so frustrating to try and tell someone you can see things that they cant, and I accept this may be one of my problems. Whereby I am so enmeshed in things that I cannot see what others see.</p><p> Yes I believe my daughter thinks I want to be over involved in her life, but the reality is I am not involved in any aspect of her life. I dont want to and never have wanted to know her every very move or thought, but I would have liked to know some of her likes and dislikes or her views /ideas on some things. It is hard to maintain a relationship with someone who does not want to know anything about you, and wants you to know nothing about them.</p><p>I agree we did have a lot of contact, but that was not healthy contact. She does not see this, and cannot understand that I dont want that type of contact. A 20 minute dash around a few shops, where there is not chatting, laughter, exchange of likes dislikes etc is not enjoyable. Neither is a daily phone call whereby I will ring her or she will ring me and the only conversation that takes place is, based around me saying hi are you ok and her saying yes. She has never asks how I am, or what I have been doing. Basically she shows no interest in anything I might or might not be doing, and does not want me to show interest in her. If I am honest she never has.</p><p>It is only recently I have realised that I do have friends, it is just I have been avoiding them, because many of them know my daughter, and they are quite critical of her, which I find hard to take.</p><p>I do think one of the biggest problems we have is communication. For whatever reason she is not hearing what I say and I am obviously not hearing her. my last phone call with her ended with me saying this, and I told her I felt It may be better if communicated things to her through ta letter. </p><p>I have not seen her for over a month now, and I have spoken to her only once in that time. However it is very noticeable, that since then I have felt a lot more peaceful and a lot less anxious, but now I feel a lot of guilt, because she has told people I wont have anything to do with her, and I have to tell them it is not her its her behaviour I dont want anything to do with. This makes me feel very disloyal, because I am now doing what my friends did.</p><p>Coming on this site has highlighted quite a few things for me, and has helped me acknowledge a lot of stuff, I already knew.</p><p>I do accept I have a long way to go, and do need help for myself, but I can only take one step at a time.</p><p>Your help has been invaluable, and I thank you for that, and will keep posing any developments </p><p><img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/smile.png" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":smile:" title="smile :smile:" data-shortname=":smile:" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="elliedeb, post: 604142, member: 16735"] Hi again, I understand why you feel you are becoming repetitious, It must be so frustrating to try and tell someone you can see things that they cant, and I accept this may be one of my problems. Whereby I am so enmeshed in things that I cannot see what others see. Yes I believe my daughter thinks I want to be over involved in her life, but the reality is I am not involved in any aspect of her life. I dont want to and never have wanted to know her every very move or thought, but I would have liked to know some of her likes and dislikes or her views /ideas on some things. It is hard to maintain a relationship with someone who does not want to know anything about you, and wants you to know nothing about them. I agree we did have a lot of contact, but that was not healthy contact. She does not see this, and cannot understand that I dont want that type of contact. A 20 minute dash around a few shops, where there is not chatting, laughter, exchange of likes dislikes etc is not enjoyable. Neither is a daily phone call whereby I will ring her or she will ring me and the only conversation that takes place is, based around me saying hi are you ok and her saying yes. She has never asks how I am, or what I have been doing. Basically she shows no interest in anything I might or might not be doing, and does not want me to show interest in her. If I am honest she never has. It is only recently I have realised that I do have friends, it is just I have been avoiding them, because many of them know my daughter, and they are quite critical of her, which I find hard to take. I do think one of the biggest problems we have is communication. For whatever reason she is not hearing what I say and I am obviously not hearing her. my last phone call with her ended with me saying this, and I told her I felt It may be better if communicated things to her through ta letter. I have not seen her for over a month now, and I have spoken to her only once in that time. However it is very noticeable, that since then I have felt a lot more peaceful and a lot less anxious, but now I feel a lot of guilt, because she has told people I wont have anything to do with her, and I have to tell them it is not her its her behaviour I dont want anything to do with. This makes me feel very disloyal, because I am now doing what my friends did. Coming on this site has highlighted quite a few things for me, and has helped me acknowledge a lot of stuff, I already knew. I do accept I have a long way to go, and do need help for myself, but I can only take one step at a time. Your help has been invaluable, and I thank you for that, and will keep posing any developments :smile: [/QUOTE]
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What have i done so wrong to make my adult daughter dislike me so much?
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