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What have i done so wrong to make my adult daughter dislike me so much?
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 605328" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Hi again, ellie. I am sorry to bring up what seemed so obvious...that you can not please your daughter because she is basically not that open to being pleased and probably does not have a good temperment. I have a son like her. Actually, he calls me more than I call him because he is so unpleasant to talk to most of the time and seems to contact me the most when he is needy. I mean, almost all kids are that way, grown or smaller, but he is extreme that way. Like HelpAngel, I also found out who my real friends were after I went through a divorce and had some other bad things happen tome. My son was not one of my friends. I'm embarassed to tell you that my son is so selfish that because he is going through a nasty custody battle over my grandson now, he feels that I should give no attention to his brother and sisters and just focus on him. He is selfish enough not to even text his brother, who has autism, Happy Birthday today because it's his birthday and he was once close to this brother. Now I think all of his siblings wonder why I even bother with him. I get their point too. Half the time I hang up on him when we talk because he swears at me. I am past feeling badly about how he treats me though. He is like this to everyone he is close to and I'm afraid that, in time, when my grandson is not so small and cute anymore he may even treat him badly. At times I send my grandson things, but never money and only when I feel like it. My son knows better than to ask. </p><p></p><p>It is very sad to have to think poorly of our own child. I think it is even harder when you only have one child. </p><p></p><p>This son is my only biological son as we adopted our other kids and I really believe he has inherited every nasty gene on my side of the family tree. I don't have a very nice family either. I was probably not abused as badly as you were as nobody ever physically touched me wrong. I was emotionally tortured and belittled. My son was never a 'sweet" baby. He was born with a mean streak. When he was eighteen months old, he stomped on a baby's hand on purpose and laughed when she cried. I was horrified. That was to define his life...he is not nice. Every day I thank the Good Lord that He gave me a strong desire to adopt children. My other three kids are gems...not that they were always easy, but they are now. </p><p></p><p>I am glad you beat cancer. You have strength inside of you and I hope you find the county mental health clinic in your area and go to a counselor. Honestly, I know tons about therapy because I've been going since I was twenty-three (I am going to be sixty next week) and I have learned so much and can really help others who are suffering. However, I have a much harder time helping myself, even with my knowledge, and often it takes an outside professional to help me over the hard times...and to remind me not to go back to my old, codependent ways. Like you, I have fought depression and anxiety and even panic attacks, which kept me mostly in the house for a few years. </p><p></p><p>My best friend, and maybe the only REAL friend I ever had, passed away at age fifty of cancer. But I am trying very hard to get out of the house now and make a network of friends who are also real friends. My daughter is going to college next year so she will be away from home and I will have an empty nest and if I don't make a life for myself, I won't have any life at all. I am finding that volunteering to help others and joining a community theatre group and a singing group is fantastic fun. Plus I work out every day now and lost a lot of weight and feel less stressed. It is not easy to start life over, but it can be done. Your daughter is not somebody you can depend on. You found that out. You are not the only person though who has a child who is undependable. It would probably make you much happier if you dropped your wall and let others in, knowing that some will disappoint you, but that some may end up your best friend/partner ever. Leave your daughter out of your friendships. </p><p></p><p>I hope I didn't ramble on too much. I just feel badly for you and want to try to give you some motivation to move on. IF I can do it, anyone can. Hugs!!!!!! <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 605328, member: 1550"] Hi again, ellie. I am sorry to bring up what seemed so obvious...that you can not please your daughter because she is basically not that open to being pleased and probably does not have a good temperment. I have a son like her. Actually, he calls me more than I call him because he is so unpleasant to talk to most of the time and seems to contact me the most when he is needy. I mean, almost all kids are that way, grown or smaller, but he is extreme that way. Like HelpAngel, I also found out who my real friends were after I went through a divorce and had some other bad things happen tome. My son was not one of my friends. I'm embarassed to tell you that my son is so selfish that because he is going through a nasty custody battle over my grandson now, he feels that I should give no attention to his brother and sisters and just focus on him. He is selfish enough not to even text his brother, who has autism, Happy Birthday today because it's his birthday and he was once close to this brother. Now I think all of his siblings wonder why I even bother with him. I get their point too. Half the time I hang up on him when we talk because he swears at me. I am past feeling badly about how he treats me though. He is like this to everyone he is close to and I'm afraid that, in time, when my grandson is not so small and cute anymore he may even treat him badly. At times I send my grandson things, but never money and only when I feel like it. My son knows better than to ask. It is very sad to have to think poorly of our own child. I think it is even harder when you only have one child. This son is my only biological son as we adopted our other kids and I really believe he has inherited every nasty gene on my side of the family tree. I don't have a very nice family either. I was probably not abused as badly as you were as nobody ever physically touched me wrong. I was emotionally tortured and belittled. My son was never a 'sweet" baby. He was born with a mean streak. When he was eighteen months old, he stomped on a baby's hand on purpose and laughed when she cried. I was horrified. That was to define his life...he is not nice. Every day I thank the Good Lord that He gave me a strong desire to adopt children. My other three kids are gems...not that they were always easy, but they are now. I am glad you beat cancer. You have strength inside of you and I hope you find the county mental health clinic in your area and go to a counselor. Honestly, I know tons about therapy because I've been going since I was twenty-three (I am going to be sixty next week) and I have learned so much and can really help others who are suffering. However, I have a much harder time helping myself, even with my knowledge, and often it takes an outside professional to help me over the hard times...and to remind me not to go back to my old, codependent ways. Like you, I have fought depression and anxiety and even panic attacks, which kept me mostly in the house for a few years. My best friend, and maybe the only REAL friend I ever had, passed away at age fifty of cancer. But I am trying very hard to get out of the house now and make a network of friends who are also real friends. My daughter is going to college next year so she will be away from home and I will have an empty nest and if I don't make a life for myself, I won't have any life at all. I am finding that volunteering to help others and joining a community theatre group and a singing group is fantastic fun. Plus I work out every day now and lost a lot of weight and feel less stressed. It is not easy to start life over, but it can be done. Your daughter is not somebody you can depend on. You found that out. You are not the only person though who has a child who is undependable. It would probably make you much happier if you dropped your wall and let others in, knowing that some will disappoint you, but that some may end up your best friend/partner ever. Leave your daughter out of your friendships. I hope I didn't ramble on too much. I just feel badly for you and want to try to give you some motivation to move on. IF I can do it, anyone can. Hugs!!!!!! :) [/QUOTE]
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What have i done so wrong to make my adult daughter dislike me so much?
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