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What have i done so wrong to make my adult daughter dislike me so much?
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<blockquote data-quote="elliedeb" data-source="post: 605352" data-attributes="member: 16735"><p>Hi MWM, thank you so much for your honest words. and I agree with all of what you said. There is no pleasing her, and I guess there never has been. your right she does not have a good temperament, but she is good at hiding it. from those she wants something from. She now seems to depend on her father to provide the things, I no longer can. I am so sorry, you too have a selfish child, and I am happy your other children have kinder hearts. I know now I covered up for her selfish behaviour, so most people never knew. looking back at some of what she has said about her father, I suspect she is possibly quite selfish with him too. He now provides a lot of what I used to, and it is possible he was providing at the time as I was. I know she is dependant on him at the moment, for getting my GD to her swimming club, and he has started to pay for driving lessons again, for her, so he doesn't have to keep turning out 4 times a week. This is the 3rd time, he has paid for driving lessons, and usually after about 10 lessons, there always seems to be a reason, why she has to give up. Of course it has never been her fault. Now I think I understand why, it will mean she may have to depend on herself, and that possibly scares her. </p><p></p><p>I hope I too can get past feeling badly about how she treats me, but I think that will take some therapy. All my GP seemed to arrange, was 6 sessions of CBT therapy, but this was not helpful, so I have continued to try and cope alone for too many years. It is only recently after reading some of the support from this group, that I decided to take the plunge. and ask for help. This has not been a good start. In the UK, it is very difficult to get access to counselling on the NHS. Our GPs manage their own funding, and are reluctant to pay for any costly treatments. I foolishly thought if I referred myself to the mental health team, they would make an assessment of my needs, so I could, then go back to my GP, and say this is my needs, what can you do to help meet them. They asked me very little, in my first phone contact with them, but I did make it clear, that my emotional state, was very fragile, and I had been coping so long alone, that I now found going out of the house so restrictive, that I was unable to go further than the local shops. They told me, that they would assign me a worker, who would meet with me, to assess my needs. I checked with them, that I would not be expected to find my way to them, and they assured me, that someone would visit my home to carry out the assessment. This made sense to me, because this was how things were done, when I worked in the field. </p><p> I was horrified, when I received a call from an ex employer this week, </p><p> </p><p> agency. It never used to be like that. I only discovered this, recently, when I was trying to find some help to deal with all that I am struggling with. I referred myself to the mental health team, because I did try this in the past, . arrange They told me, that I would be assigned a support worker, who would meet me, to discus my needs. I was horrified, when I received a call from an ex employer, telling me I had been referred to them. I was lucky that most of the staff I worked with, had moved on, but there is one person still there, who I used to be close to. I am very angry about this, and contacted the mental health team, to find out why they had referred me on, without first discussing it with me. They fobbed me off, with, they did not know I had worked there, and that's how things work now. Part of me wants to put in an official complaint, but the other side of me is scared of starting another battle. I feel this has closed a door for me. So the search for help goes on. </p><p></p><p>I understand how voluntary work etc can help, because that is how I got into my career, after my bad divorce. My fears of trying that path again, are quite high, because my problems, have left me feeling so bad about myself, and although I say I cannot trust anyone. the truth is I think I cannot trust myself to not repeat what has happened. </p><p></p><p>I do have another avenue to try, I am going to try, and am awaiting the referral pack. Its a private counsellor, who has special rates for those on low income. If they accept me, the have told me it could take up to 6 weeks, to start. </p><p></p><p>When I came into this group, I was at the end of my tether, and felt I had nowhere to turn to, and was feeling desperate, lost, crazy, and a failure. I felt I had failed my daughter, and my grandchildren, but now I see this was not all down to me. You and others have certainly given me some motivation. As for rambling on, I don't think you are guilty of that in any way. if anything its me who rambles on, which is why I think I have confused some people on here. apart from trying to get some help locally, my next goal is to learn how to get across what I want to say, in shorter clearer posts. </p><p></p><p>It does not seem much, but all I can say is, Thank you so much for you help and support</p><p>. </p><p></p><p>PS please wish your son happy birthday from me. x</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="elliedeb, post: 605352, member: 16735"] Hi MWM, thank you so much for your honest words. and I agree with all of what you said. There is no pleasing her, and I guess there never has been. your right she does not have a good temperament, but she is good at hiding it. from those she wants something from. She now seems to depend on her father to provide the things, I no longer can. I am so sorry, you too have a selfish child, and I am happy your other children have kinder hearts. I know now I covered up for her selfish behaviour, so most people never knew. looking back at some of what she has said about her father, I suspect she is possibly quite selfish with him too. He now provides a lot of what I used to, and it is possible he was providing at the time as I was. I know she is dependant on him at the moment, for getting my GD to her swimming club, and he has started to pay for driving lessons again, for her, so he doesn't have to keep turning out 4 times a week. This is the 3rd time, he has paid for driving lessons, and usually after about 10 lessons, there always seems to be a reason, why she has to give up. Of course it has never been her fault. Now I think I understand why, it will mean she may have to depend on herself, and that possibly scares her. I hope I too can get past feeling badly about how she treats me, but I think that will take some therapy. All my GP seemed to arrange, was 6 sessions of CBT therapy, but this was not helpful, so I have continued to try and cope alone for too many years. It is only recently after reading some of the support from this group, that I decided to take the plunge. and ask for help. This has not been a good start. In the UK, it is very difficult to get access to counselling on the NHS. Our GPs manage their own funding, and are reluctant to pay for any costly treatments. I foolishly thought if I referred myself to the mental health team, they would make an assessment of my needs, so I could, then go back to my GP, and say this is my needs, what can you do to help meet them. They asked me very little, in my first phone contact with them, but I did make it clear, that my emotional state, was very fragile, and I had been coping so long alone, that I now found going out of the house so restrictive, that I was unable to go further than the local shops. They told me, that they would assign me a worker, who would meet with me, to assess my needs. I checked with them, that I would not be expected to find my way to them, and they assured me, that someone would visit my home to carry out the assessment. This made sense to me, because this was how things were done, when I worked in the field. I was horrified, when I received a call from an ex employer this week, agency. It never used to be like that. I only discovered this, recently, when I was trying to find some help to deal with all that I am struggling with. I referred myself to the mental health team, because I did try this in the past, . arrange They told me, that I would be assigned a support worker, who would meet me, to discus my needs. I was horrified, when I received a call from an ex employer, telling me I had been referred to them. I was lucky that most of the staff I worked with, had moved on, but there is one person still there, who I used to be close to. I am very angry about this, and contacted the mental health team, to find out why they had referred me on, without first discussing it with me. They fobbed me off, with, they did not know I had worked there, and that's how things work now. Part of me wants to put in an official complaint, but the other side of me is scared of starting another battle. I feel this has closed a door for me. So the search for help goes on. I understand how voluntary work etc can help, because that is how I got into my career, after my bad divorce. My fears of trying that path again, are quite high, because my problems, have left me feeling so bad about myself, and although I say I cannot trust anyone. the truth is I think I cannot trust myself to not repeat what has happened. I do have another avenue to try, I am going to try, and am awaiting the referral pack. Its a private counsellor, who has special rates for those on low income. If they accept me, the have told me it could take up to 6 weeks, to start. When I came into this group, I was at the end of my tether, and felt I had nowhere to turn to, and was feeling desperate, lost, crazy, and a failure. I felt I had failed my daughter, and my grandchildren, but now I see this was not all down to me. You and others have certainly given me some motivation. As for rambling on, I don't think you are guilty of that in any way. if anything its me who rambles on, which is why I think I have confused some people on here. apart from trying to get some help locally, my next goal is to learn how to get across what I want to say, in shorter clearer posts. It does not seem much, but all I can say is, Thank you so much for you help and support . PS please wish your son happy birthday from me. x [/QUOTE]
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What have i done so wrong to make my adult daughter dislike me so much?
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