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What have i done so wrong to make my adult daughter dislike me so much?
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 622402" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Hi there. It sounds like you are still hurting. Have you read the book "Boundaries" by Townsend and Cloud? Fantastic book about how others react when we set boundaries. The truly good people, who love us and are NOT dysfunctional, will embrace and accept our boundaries. Those are dysfunctional people who have been our abusers will freak out that they can no longer control us and will lash out at us like bats out of Hades. In some way both your ex and your daughter are bossy and dysfunctional and lack respect for you. Your daughter is being especially cruel by embracing your husband's new honey. Since he married her so soon after your marriage I would assume he was messing with her during your marriage and perhaps you turned a blind eye to it???? What a jerk, by the way. It is sad when our children are jerks too, but most of us on this forum have kids who are jerks, abusive and worse. Some are plain dangerous to us. It is very hard to detach from our own grown children, but often we have to in order to start a new life and to ultimately be happy. Is there substance abuse in the backgrounds of either your ex or your daughter? Did you cut off daughter's money tree? Is that her issue? That usually sets our difficult child's flying into a childish rage.</p><p></p><p>I suggest that maybe you read some of the posts on this thread and see that we are going through what you are so that you know you have company. It's terrible, but it does feel better to know that others understand. Another good book besides "Boundaries" is "Codependent No More" by Melody Beatty. It has helped many of us start our roads to recovery from abusive, demanding and often dangerous people.</p><p></p><p>I have one son I haven't seen for six or seven years now except for one abusive time and I realize now that it is not anything I did that caused him to do this. We had a minor tiff over his wedding and he choose to blow it up and then start making up lies about his childhood. If the tiff over the marriage had not happened, he would have found another reason to cut everyone off, except for his father who I am divorced from and who is a financial asset to him. But I don't think he really is attached to either one of us.</p><p></p><p>Now he was adopted from another country at age six, and, while I loved him like I'd given birth to him, I don't think he ever felt the same way about me or his other siblings, including his other adopted siblings. At any rate, apologizing to him, even beggging him did nothing to change anything. Just made him disrespect me for my weakness. At this point, I'm in a good place with him. We are not in one another's lives and I focus on the good in my life, not the negative. I can only apologize for whatever he thinks I did and if he chooses to stay angry about it, that's the limit to what I can do. I also have one very difficult adult child, whom I call 36, and we do have a relationship, probably as good of one as he is able to have with anyone, but it's touchy. He is a very difficult person. Fortunately I have three children who are dreams come true. Do you have any loving children, friends, relatives, associates, anyone in your life that you can build a support system with?</p><p></p><p>Do you go to therapy to help you deal with all this? Are you in a Twelve Step Group? Many of us have been helped immensely in Twelve Step Groups, but they are not for everyone.</p><p></p><p>Disclaimer: Anything I post is just my own opinion. Take what you like, if anything, and leave the rest behind <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /></p><p></p><p>I am happy to "meet" you although sorry that you had to come here. There are wise, wonderful women on this particular forum. I think you'll like them!</p><p></p><p>P.S.-Twenty-one is indeed a young ADULT and most twenty-one year olds have a level of maturity that shows they are well on the way to being self-sufficient. Our particular difficult child twenty-one year olds tend to act like they are ten years old, if that, but that doesn't make them ten. So your adult daughter is not being very nice to you, which is the norm around here...</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 622402, member: 1550"] Hi there. It sounds like you are still hurting. Have you read the book "Boundaries" by Townsend and Cloud? Fantastic book about how others react when we set boundaries. The truly good people, who love us and are NOT dysfunctional, will embrace and accept our boundaries. Those are dysfunctional people who have been our abusers will freak out that they can no longer control us and will lash out at us like bats out of Hades. In some way both your ex and your daughter are bossy and dysfunctional and lack respect for you. Your daughter is being especially cruel by embracing your husband's new honey. Since he married her so soon after your marriage I would assume he was messing with her during your marriage and perhaps you turned a blind eye to it???? What a jerk, by the way. It is sad when our children are jerks too, but most of us on this forum have kids who are jerks, abusive and worse. Some are plain dangerous to us. It is very hard to detach from our own grown children, but often we have to in order to start a new life and to ultimately be happy. Is there substance abuse in the backgrounds of either your ex or your daughter? Did you cut off daughter's money tree? Is that her issue? That usually sets our difficult child's flying into a childish rage. I suggest that maybe you read some of the posts on this thread and see that we are going through what you are so that you know you have company. It's terrible, but it does feel better to know that others understand. Another good book besides "Boundaries" is "Codependent No More" by Melody Beatty. It has helped many of us start our roads to recovery from abusive, demanding and often dangerous people. I have one son I haven't seen for six or seven years now except for one abusive time and I realize now that it is not anything I did that caused him to do this. We had a minor tiff over his wedding and he choose to blow it up and then start making up lies about his childhood. If the tiff over the marriage had not happened, he would have found another reason to cut everyone off, except for his father who I am divorced from and who is a financial asset to him. But I don't think he really is attached to either one of us. Now he was adopted from another country at age six, and, while I loved him like I'd given birth to him, I don't think he ever felt the same way about me or his other siblings, including his other adopted siblings. At any rate, apologizing to him, even beggging him did nothing to change anything. Just made him disrespect me for my weakness. At this point, I'm in a good place with him. We are not in one another's lives and I focus on the good in my life, not the negative. I can only apologize for whatever he thinks I did and if he chooses to stay angry about it, that's the limit to what I can do. I also have one very difficult adult child, whom I call 36, and we do have a relationship, probably as good of one as he is able to have with anyone, but it's touchy. He is a very difficult person. Fortunately I have three children who are dreams come true. Do you have any loving children, friends, relatives, associates, anyone in your life that you can build a support system with? Do you go to therapy to help you deal with all this? Are you in a Twelve Step Group? Many of us have been helped immensely in Twelve Step Groups, but they are not for everyone. Disclaimer: Anything I post is just my own opinion. Take what you like, if anything, and leave the rest behind :) I am happy to "meet" you although sorry that you had to come here. There are wise, wonderful women on this particular forum. I think you'll like them! P.S.-Twenty-one is indeed a young ADULT and most twenty-one year olds have a level of maturity that shows they are well on the way to being self-sufficient. Our particular difficult child twenty-one year olds tend to act like they are ten years old, if that, but that doesn't make them ten. So your adult daughter is not being very nice to you, which is the norm around here... [/QUOTE]
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What have i done so wrong to make my adult daughter dislike me so much?
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