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What have i done so wrong to make my adult daughter dislike me so much?
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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 650218" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>Billy, there is something called Radical Acceptance. This way of interpreting my family situation has been very helpful to me. Basically, Radical Acceptance has to do with learning to strip an event of its destructive emotional components.</p><p></p><p>It is what it is.</p><p></p><p>Why doesn't matter.</p><p></p><p>Surviving what is ~ that is what matters.</p><p></p><p>Learning how to do that, learning how to survive the terrible things that are happening to us, that is what matters.</p><p></p><p>***</p><p></p><p>Two of our moms here (2muchtorecover and Midwest Mom) post many articles for us about genetics, and about personality disorders and even, mental illnesses. Armed with this information, I was able to understand that the things I was seeing from my children and even, in my family of origin, had nothing to do with me. None of this was happening because I needed to be nicer or kinder or angrier or stronger. Hurtful and destructive as these terrible things happening to all of us are, they have less to do with us than with a genetically mandated mental or emotional imbalance.</p><p></p><p>This has been very helpful to me.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>That must have been such a hard thing.</p><p></p><p>You are a survivor, Billy63. You are going to survive this, too.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Whoa.</p><p></p><p>That would upset me, too.</p><p></p><p>Do you know why they are having lunch so close to your house? If you don't mind telling us Billy, how did it happen that you were told about the lunch, but were not invited?</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p></p><p>For me, there came a time when I made a decision to survive. </p><p></p><p>Bad, crazy, hurtful things were happening with my grown kids, and it was sending me into this shocky place where I could not think straight or function well. I had lived depressed and shocked and with feeling inadequate to the situation for most of my life <em>and it just kept getting worse ~ like, way worse ~ no matter what I did.</em> </p><p></p><p>But then, I came here, again.</p><p></p><p>And with everyone's help and insight and book suggestions and my own determination to come through it able to seek and recognize and choose and celebrate my joyful, cherished lifetime...that is what I was able to do. I was destroying myself and my life over something I could choose to walk away from or respond to differently or ignore altogether, or face in any of a thousand ways than to turn on myself, than to betray myself.</p><p></p><p>Don't let them win, Billy.</p><p></p><p>Fight.</p><p></p><p>You are worth it; your life, the brief, rare time we all are given, is something to cherish and celebrate and honor.</p><p></p><p>Don't let them take that away from you.</p><p></p><p>You cannot control what they do.</p><p></p><p>You can only accept it. Sometimes, you might be able to understand why they do it but ultimately, why doesn't matter, either.</p><p></p><p>It is what it is.</p><p></p><p>Survive.</p><p></p><p>And we are here and the site is anonymous and we are all getting one another through some pretty horrific stuff in sterling shape, I think.</p><p></p><p>Welcome, Billy.</p><p></p><p>:O)</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 650218, member: 17461"] Billy, there is something called Radical Acceptance. This way of interpreting my family situation has been very helpful to me. Basically, Radical Acceptance has to do with learning to strip an event of its destructive emotional components. It is what it is. Why doesn't matter. Surviving what is ~ that is what matters. Learning how to do that, learning how to survive the terrible things that are happening to us, that is what matters. *** Two of our moms here (2muchtorecover and Midwest Mom) post many articles for us about genetics, and about personality disorders and even, mental illnesses. Armed with this information, I was able to understand that the things I was seeing from my children and even, in my family of origin, had nothing to do with me. None of this was happening because I needed to be nicer or kinder or angrier or stronger. Hurtful and destructive as these terrible things happening to all of us are, they have less to do with us than with a genetically mandated mental or emotional imbalance. This has been very helpful to me. That must have been such a hard thing. You are a survivor, Billy63. You are going to survive this, too. Whoa. That would upset me, too. Do you know why they are having lunch so close to your house? If you don't mind telling us Billy, how did it happen that you were told about the lunch, but were not invited? *** For me, there came a time when I made a decision to survive. Bad, crazy, hurtful things were happening with my grown kids, and it was sending me into this shocky place where I could not think straight or function well. I had lived depressed and shocked and with feeling inadequate to the situation for most of my life [I]and it just kept getting worse ~ like, way worse ~ no matter what I did.[/I] But then, I came here, again. And with everyone's help and insight and book suggestions and my own determination to come through it able to seek and recognize and choose and celebrate my joyful, cherished lifetime...that is what I was able to do. I was destroying myself and my life over something I could choose to walk away from or respond to differently or ignore altogether, or face in any of a thousand ways than to turn on myself, than to betray myself. Don't let them win, Billy. Fight. You are worth it; your life, the brief, rare time we all are given, is something to cherish and celebrate and honor. Don't let them take that away from you. You cannot control what they do. You can only accept it. Sometimes, you might be able to understand why they do it but ultimately, why doesn't matter, either. It is what it is. Survive. And we are here and the site is anonymous and we are all getting one another through some pretty horrific stuff in sterling shape, I think. Welcome, Billy. :O) Cedar [/QUOTE]
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What have i done so wrong to make my adult daughter dislike me so much?
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