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What have i done so wrong to make my adult daughter dislike me so much?
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 650240" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Oh, 2 Much! I can soooooooooooo relate. I was a "why" kid too and I didn't back down. If I was put off I'd say, "You didn't answer." Drove my family nuts.</p><p></p><p>Also, it seems I was born wired for anxiety and remember anxiety before age 3. Cried all the time as a baby and my mom said I wouldn't let her hold me so she "propped" my bottle (didn't hold me) and filled it with chocolate syrupy milk. Anything to shut me up and not to have to cradle me. I resisted her, so maybe I knew even back then. Anyhow, the chocolate milk had consequences. I had 23 cavities the first time I went to the dentist. See, I was allowed to drink from a bottle until age four or five. Anything to plug up my mouth...lol.</p><p></p><p>My mother has also told me many times that when she was pregnant with me she felt no love or maternal feelings. Attachment problems? Hmmmmm. Her friends told her she'd love me when I was born, but she says, "But when I held you, I felt nothing...absolutely nothing." What a fine thing to tell your little girl, even if it's true. Of course she added, "Now, of course, I love you very much." Sure.</p><p></p><p>She also told my sister that if she had been conceived when abortion had been legal, she'd have been an abortion.</p><p></p><p>I think our family, on top of being stuffed full of personality disorders, had attachment disorders too.</p><p></p><p>And the games never ended. And it was always my fault. My brother and sister kissed the floor my mother walked on. And brother was "Golden Child" (in dysfunctional families there is a golden child and a black sheep and usually one who tries to tiptoe through the tuplips (my sister). There are definite roles. And I had to stay the black sheep. And, in their eyes, I did because I continued to dispute things they did and not "play nice" (do what they wanted and shaddup!!!)</p><p></p><p>I had to learn not to play. It took me 40 years. I hope some people who read this stop engaging way before I did. I actually did not completely quit until I was nearer to 50 as I was still writing love letters to my horrible mother, who disowned me, begging her to love me. It was no longer an every day obsession and I was able to live my life, but it was still there until she stuck it to me from the grave. That's when I learned how useless it is to try to make somebody love you when they have the kinds of problems my mother had.</p><p></p><p>Strangely, I seem to have the most functional life of the three of us. I have a loving husband and four kids who adore me (one did leave. I'm lucky only one left). I have two grandchildren. I do have love. Sissy divorced by choice at the insane age of 50 and became a drinking teen with horrible boyfriends, ignoring her still minor son and she lives with her ex. Yep. She can't do it on her own. Bro never had a relationship that lasted in his entire life, but he does teach now and likes it and I think he is happy. Still...neither of them were able to maintain long term romantic relationships. In other words, neither of them ever learned to let somebody get too close. My sister was more afraid of me than Mom when it came to calling out the dogs.</p><p></p><p>I am sorry you lived that way too, 2Much.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 650240, member: 1550"] Oh, 2 Much! I can soooooooooooo relate. I was a "why" kid too and I didn't back down. If I was put off I'd say, "You didn't answer." Drove my family nuts. Also, it seems I was born wired for anxiety and remember anxiety before age 3. Cried all the time as a baby and my mom said I wouldn't let her hold me so she "propped" my bottle (didn't hold me) and filled it with chocolate syrupy milk. Anything to shut me up and not to have to cradle me. I resisted her, so maybe I knew even back then. Anyhow, the chocolate milk had consequences. I had 23 cavities the first time I went to the dentist. See, I was allowed to drink from a bottle until age four or five. Anything to plug up my mouth...lol. My mother has also told me many times that when she was pregnant with me she felt no love or maternal feelings. Attachment problems? Hmmmmm. Her friends told her she'd love me when I was born, but she says, "But when I held you, I felt nothing...absolutely nothing." What a fine thing to tell your little girl, even if it's true. Of course she added, "Now, of course, I love you very much." Sure. She also told my sister that if she had been conceived when abortion had been legal, she'd have been an abortion. I think our family, on top of being stuffed full of personality disorders, had attachment disorders too. And the games never ended. And it was always my fault. My brother and sister kissed the floor my mother walked on. And brother was "Golden Child" (in dysfunctional families there is a golden child and a black sheep and usually one who tries to tiptoe through the tuplips (my sister). There are definite roles. And I had to stay the black sheep. And, in their eyes, I did because I continued to dispute things they did and not "play nice" (do what they wanted and shaddup!!!) I had to learn not to play. It took me 40 years. I hope some people who read this stop engaging way before I did. I actually did not completely quit until I was nearer to 50 as I was still writing love letters to my horrible mother, who disowned me, begging her to love me. It was no longer an every day obsession and I was able to live my life, but it was still there until she stuck it to me from the grave. That's when I learned how useless it is to try to make somebody love you when they have the kinds of problems my mother had. Strangely, I seem to have the most functional life of the three of us. I have a loving husband and four kids who adore me (one did leave. I'm lucky only one left). I have two grandchildren. I do have love. Sissy divorced by choice at the insane age of 50 and became a drinking teen with horrible boyfriends, ignoring her still minor son and she lives with her ex. Yep. She can't do it on her own. Bro never had a relationship that lasted in his entire life, but he does teach now and likes it and I think he is happy. Still...neither of them were able to maintain long term romantic relationships. In other words, neither of them ever learned to let somebody get too close. My sister was more afraid of me than Mom when it came to calling out the dogs. I am sorry you lived that way too, 2Much. [/QUOTE]
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What have i done so wrong to make my adult daughter dislike me so much?
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