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<blockquote data-quote="SeekingStrength" data-source="post: 663657" data-attributes="member: 17635"><p>Hi Sherril,</p><p></p><p>You know it was not because you were a bad mother, right? My brother used to tell me what others have said to you. I was convinced husband and I had done something(s) terribly wrong. My brother would say, <em>Hey, you have two kids that are not getting in trouble. It is NOT you</em>. It took me years to believe it, though. I would re-visit little vignettes of his life and think, <strong>AHA, i bet THAT it where things went wrong. </strong>Mostly memories of when his feelings were hurt, usually by others - and thinking husband and I should have stood up for him and "righted" the injustice. This would be stuff every child experiences, including you and I.</p><p></p><p>I remember feeling horrible guilt that I hit him on the arm with a wooden spoon when he smart-mouthed me while I was cooking dinner. Not hard, but it surprised both of us. He was about 13yo.</p><p></p><p>Thank goodness, I saw a FB post - one of those endless share things -<em> How many had a mother who hit you with a wooden spoon?!?! </em>And, like 1 million people had liked it, haha. Not saying it was the right thing to do, just pointing out we can get carried away with guilt. </p><p></p><p> My son was incarcerated after making many very poor choices and possibly, at least partly, due to the fact that I hit him with a wooden spoon???!??!? (Let me emphasize, there were no marks left). <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite12" alt="o_O" title="Er... what? o_O" loading="lazy" data-shortname="o_O" /></p><p>But, that was often my line of thinking.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>My Difficult Child has also been incarcerated three times. I used to think each time he thought he would outsmart everybody--that he could/would not be caught....and that he was slow at figuring out he could indeed. He has not been incarcerated in about ten years, but he is still not a loving, productive human. husband and I still hold hope.</p><p></p><p>Hugs,</p><p>SS</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="SeekingStrength, post: 663657, member: 17635"] Hi Sherril, You know it was not because you were a bad mother, right? My brother used to tell me what others have said to you. I was convinced husband and I had done something(s) terribly wrong. My brother would say, [I]Hey, you have two kids that are not getting in trouble. It is NOT you[/I]. It took me years to believe it, though. I would re-visit little vignettes of his life and think, [B]AHA, i bet THAT it where things went wrong. [/B]Mostly memories of when his feelings were hurt, usually by others - and thinking husband and I should have stood up for him and "righted" the injustice. This would be stuff every child experiences, including you and I. I remember feeling horrible guilt that I hit him on the arm with a wooden spoon when he smart-mouthed me while I was cooking dinner. Not hard, but it surprised both of us. He was about 13yo. Thank goodness, I saw a FB post - one of those endless share things -[I] How many had a mother who hit you with a wooden spoon?!?! [/I]And, like 1 million people had liked it, haha. Not saying it was the right thing to do, just pointing out we can get carried away with guilt. My son was incarcerated after making many very poor choices and possibly, at least partly, due to the fact that I hit him with a wooden spoon???!??!? (Let me emphasize, there were no marks left). o_O But, that was often my line of thinking. My Difficult Child has also been incarcerated three times. I used to think each time he thought he would outsmart everybody--that he could/would not be caught....and that he was slow at figuring out he could indeed. He has not been incarcerated in about ten years, but he is still not a loving, productive human. husband and I still hold hope. Hugs, SS [/QUOTE]
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