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What if Something Happened to Your Dad and I?
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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 626861" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>Dazed, I am so glad you had that response from her so you could give her the facts. We just don't talk facts often enough in all of our families.</p><p></p><p>This weekend, I was with my sister and mother and niece for a girls weekend. My sweet mother, who is 81, had a stroke last year, and although she is a walking and talking miracle---doing very well---both of my parents are 81 and we are needing to know more about their financial situation and they are needing to make more plans. Funny how my mother can discuss the bad decisions/lack of decisions in her friends about their futures as they age, but she can't see the same behavior in herself. It's a touchy subject, but it's reality. It is what it is. Making plans is the key to dealing effectively with our own old age and inevitable death. My mother in law was the best I ever saw at making plans and communicating those plans to her four children---what a role model. </p><p></p><p>We need to talk more about reality with our families.</p><p></p><p>Dazed, setting her straight was a good thing for you and for her. I know what she said hurts and disappoints in many ways, but why should young people---PCs and difficult children---really know or understand what it takes to survive in the world---if they have never done that yet?</p><p></p><p>My 28 year old easy child is a great young man, but because he has been in grad school and he and his fiancee--who just graduated from pharm. school---have still been in semi-protected academia, they are just now getting a taste of real life moving back here, renting a house, renting the uhaul truck to move themselves, going to Walmart and buying the $300 worth of "stuff" that somehow we all have to buy when we move, paying all of the deposits, doing the paperwork, etc. easy child's fiancee has to pay $1K to take her boards next month, and on and on. Welcome to the real world. </p><p></p><p>I am so pleased to be able to sit back and watch them navigate without feeling the need to rescue or soften the reality. They are rising to the challenge and doing things their way and I respect that. </p><p></p><p>This is necessary for all young people, and sadly, our difficult children---because of their behavior and our enabling----don't do it, sometimes ever.</p><p></p><p>The fact that you could set her straight on your actual financial plans for your future---which don't include taking care of her for the rest of her life---is a gift. A huge gift. </p><p></p><p>Right now my will still splits everything 50/50 with easy child and difficult child. However, I am getting ready to modify it soon on difficult child's portion. Not to take it away from him but to secure it so he can't take the money and spend it on drugs, instead it would be parceled out to him via a lawyer. He won't like that, but I don't like what he does either. And I'm not going to put a "loaded gun" in his hands, which I would be doing if he immediately got my assets upon my death. </p><p></p><p>Thanks for posting this. It is a valuable discussion and reminder.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 626861, member: 17542"] Dazed, I am so glad you had that response from her so you could give her the facts. We just don't talk facts often enough in all of our families. This weekend, I was with my sister and mother and niece for a girls weekend. My sweet mother, who is 81, had a stroke last year, and although she is a walking and talking miracle---doing very well---both of my parents are 81 and we are needing to know more about their financial situation and they are needing to make more plans. Funny how my mother can discuss the bad decisions/lack of decisions in her friends about their futures as they age, but she can't see the same behavior in herself. It's a touchy subject, but it's reality. It is what it is. Making plans is the key to dealing effectively with our own old age and inevitable death. My mother in law was the best I ever saw at making plans and communicating those plans to her four children---what a role model. We need to talk more about reality with our families. Dazed, setting her straight was a good thing for you and for her. I know what she said hurts and disappoints in many ways, but why should young people---PCs and difficult children---really know or understand what it takes to survive in the world---if they have never done that yet? My 28 year old easy child is a great young man, but because he has been in grad school and he and his fiancee--who just graduated from pharm. school---have still been in semi-protected academia, they are just now getting a taste of real life moving back here, renting a house, renting the uhaul truck to move themselves, going to Walmart and buying the $300 worth of "stuff" that somehow we all have to buy when we move, paying all of the deposits, doing the paperwork, etc. easy child's fiancee has to pay $1K to take her boards next month, and on and on. Welcome to the real world. I am so pleased to be able to sit back and watch them navigate without feeling the need to rescue or soften the reality. They are rising to the challenge and doing things their way and I respect that. This is necessary for all young people, and sadly, our difficult children---because of their behavior and our enabling----don't do it, sometimes ever. The fact that you could set her straight on your actual financial plans for your future---which don't include taking care of her for the rest of her life---is a gift. A huge gift. Right now my will still splits everything 50/50 with easy child and difficult child. However, I am getting ready to modify it soon on difficult child's portion. Not to take it away from him but to secure it so he can't take the money and spend it on drugs, instead it would be parceled out to him via a lawyer. He won't like that, but I don't like what he does either. And I'm not going to put a "loaded gun" in his hands, which I would be doing if he immediately got my assets upon my death. Thanks for posting this. It is a valuable discussion and reminder. [/QUOTE]
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