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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 745011" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>I think some people set a very bad precedent when their kids are young. The kid throws a tantrum and gets what he wants. If you give in to this, or don't figure out how to stop giving in after the kid has started a tantrum, it can be a big problem. I have seen adults who treat their parents like this. Sometimes it is just a kid who is a bad person. Other times the parent never knew how to handle a tantrum/outburst when the kid was small. </p><p></p><p>My niece got a big shock 2 years ago at Christmas. She was about 14. She was just UGLY to my parents at bedtime. She wanted to sleep with the tv on and that was NEVER acceptable in their home. She lives with her mother who gives her what she wants so that her mother never has to really deal with her. Niece was supposed to stay with my parents for another week. After a 2 hour tantrum at 11 at night, niece was taken home the next day. She has minded herself at my parents' home ever since. She told me it was a HUGE wakeup call and not something anyone else had ever done to her. </p><p></p><p>I raised my kids with the specific goal that they be well mannered, law abiding contributing members of society. It was NOT easy, but got good results. They may not always USE good manners, but they know what they are and tend to use them around me. </p><p></p><p>The other thing that I see happen with many people of my own generation and younger generations, is that older people are not seen as actual people. They are seen either as a problem or a burden or are not really seen at all. I spent up to 2 weeks at a time with my grandparents when I was a kid. Not always with my parents there with me, often I was often alone when I visited. Classmates who didn't spend time, especially time alone, with older people seemed to see them as less than people. Older people were either nonentities to them, or they were gift fairies. You know, the grandparent who swoops in with gifts and then leaves. I spent up to 2 weeks with my grandmother in her retirement center in FL after she moved there. Older people were just people to me, and if I didn't behave, my parents would find out and that would be BAD. My friends thought it was strange that I liked going there, but my Gma was one of my best friends. All of her friends liked me, and were interesting people to me. No one my age that I knew really understood this. (yes, I was a wierd kid, but that is beside the point!)</p><p></p><p>If you never saw your parents or grandparents as people, why would you care how you acted in front of them? Especially if you were not ever taught specifically that what you were doing is wrong?</p><p></p><p>I am NOT saying that all people of ANY generation are disrespectful or rude or mean, but I think if you don't see someone older as a person, it is easy for you to be awful to them. It doesn't even enter your mind that they could be hurt by you, as you don't really see that they have feelings.</p><p></p><p>I remember a parent telling me that I was too hard on Wiz, that it was okay if he was rude to teachers, myself and other adults. That Wiz' most important job was to learn at school, not to be polite. I thought this was fundamentally wrong. My son's most important job was to grow up to be a good person and to treat others at least decently, if not well.It seemed to be a fundamental difference between how we raised our kids and how some of their peers were raised.</p><p></p><p>Of course your friend probably doesn't want to deal with her son's tantrum if she corrects his behavior. It is HARD and often SCARY when grown adults have rages or tantrums. Especially if they then use grandkids as tools to punish you. I know my mother would have waited until we were alone before correcting my behavior, but even now, she would still do it. </p><p></p><p>I don't know if this is what is happening, or if the kids are just awful people. It could be either way. I am sorry that you had to deal with them though.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 745011, member: 1233"] I think some people set a very bad precedent when their kids are young. The kid throws a tantrum and gets what he wants. If you give in to this, or don't figure out how to stop giving in after the kid has started a tantrum, it can be a big problem. I have seen adults who treat their parents like this. Sometimes it is just a kid who is a bad person. Other times the parent never knew how to handle a tantrum/outburst when the kid was small. My niece got a big shock 2 years ago at Christmas. She was about 14. She was just UGLY to my parents at bedtime. She wanted to sleep with the tv on and that was NEVER acceptable in their home. She lives with her mother who gives her what she wants so that her mother never has to really deal with her. Niece was supposed to stay with my parents for another week. After a 2 hour tantrum at 11 at night, niece was taken home the next day. She has minded herself at my parents' home ever since. She told me it was a HUGE wakeup call and not something anyone else had ever done to her. I raised my kids with the specific goal that they be well mannered, law abiding contributing members of society. It was NOT easy, but got good results. They may not always USE good manners, but they know what they are and tend to use them around me. The other thing that I see happen with many people of my own generation and younger generations, is that older people are not seen as actual people. They are seen either as a problem or a burden or are not really seen at all. I spent up to 2 weeks at a time with my grandparents when I was a kid. Not always with my parents there with me, often I was often alone when I visited. Classmates who didn't spend time, especially time alone, with older people seemed to see them as less than people. Older people were either nonentities to them, or they were gift fairies. You know, the grandparent who swoops in with gifts and then leaves. I spent up to 2 weeks with my grandmother in her retirement center in FL after she moved there. Older people were just people to me, and if I didn't behave, my parents would find out and that would be BAD. My friends thought it was strange that I liked going there, but my Gma was one of my best friends. All of her friends liked me, and were interesting people to me. No one my age that I knew really understood this. (yes, I was a wierd kid, but that is beside the point!) If you never saw your parents or grandparents as people, why would you care how you acted in front of them? Especially if you were not ever taught specifically that what you were doing is wrong? I am NOT saying that all people of ANY generation are disrespectful or rude or mean, but I think if you don't see someone older as a person, it is easy for you to be awful to them. It doesn't even enter your mind that they could be hurt by you, as you don't really see that they have feelings. I remember a parent telling me that I was too hard on Wiz, that it was okay if he was rude to teachers, myself and other adults. That Wiz' most important job was to learn at school, not to be polite. I thought this was fundamentally wrong. My son's most important job was to grow up to be a good person and to treat others at least decently, if not well.It seemed to be a fundamental difference between how we raised our kids and how some of their peers were raised. Of course your friend probably doesn't want to deal with her son's tantrum if she corrects his behavior. It is HARD and often SCARY when grown adults have rages or tantrums. Especially if they then use grandkids as tools to punish you. I know my mother would have waited until we were alone before correcting my behavior, but even now, she would still do it. I don't know if this is what is happening, or if the kids are just awful people. It could be either way. I am sorry that you had to deal with them though. [/QUOTE]
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