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<blockquote data-quote="Tired out" data-source="post: 745034" data-attributes="member: 23103"><p>This is a very interesting conversation thread.</p><p>I think of our neighborhood and how disrespectful and entitled many (95%?) of the kids that are in the 12-25 year range are.</p><p>Also why we were so shocked by our son's behavior. We tried to never give our kids the feeling that they were entitled or better than anyone else.. The older people in the neighborhood would always stop Hubs and me when they ran into us out walking or in the grocery or at a neighborhood function. They would comment specifically on how nice, well mannered and helpful Ben was. He would be out walking around and always stop to help them, mow, shovel, take up their garbage can. There were 2 older couples he always helped with their Christmas decorations, getting them down out of attic.,out of crawl spaces, put them up etc. He would be invited to events with these couples. They would always compliment us on what a good young man he is. </p><p>We had some battles through high school, turning in homework (he would do it, not turn it in) Not wanting to get up in the morning for school. It was a battle.We grounded him, no county fair with the guys, that is when he punched a hole in his bedroom wall--says he punched-(-he didn't he hit it with a bat)then put it on fb that he broke his hand punching his wall, 2 of his buddies showed up here all concerned. He was accused of stealing a girls phone 1 time, he was very angry. I got a call from a cop wanting to give me the 3rd degree about the phone! Then they requested we bring Ben to the police dept they wanted to talk to Ben. We ended up at the police station. We didn't leave Ben unattended (he was 17), they tried to get to talk to him with out us. I refused. I felt he was being railroaded. )I spoke with my brother-in-law who was a detective, and he had told me , either refuse the interview or don't leave him with them, they can twist things.) Nothing came of it. Then 2 months later I was at the school, I asked the office secretary if the phone ever turned up she said , "oh yeah! It turned out the girl had just "misplaced" her phone. She wanted a new one so she told her parents it was stolen and accused Ben!" BUT there was never any punishment or apology to Ben or to us! </p><p> I wondered how that affected the way he felt about people. law enforcement. </p><p> The 1st 2 years out of high school he had a (good) job and was moving up. Then a guy started working there and I slowly saw attitude and mood change from Ben. He started job hunting. Had a new job lined up, gave 2 weeks notice and the boss told him to just leave. Then the manager he was supposed to go to work for got fired the next week and the job fell through..He was very despondent and then it took him 3 months to find a job in his field. He started there and was there for 9 months and the dealership was sold, there were a lot of changes- we aren't sure if he quit or got fired. He says he was laid off, someone else told me he got angry and quit..who knows. Then he sulked for 5 months- said he was looking for a job-- i think he was smoking pot and wouldn't pass drug test so didn't look. THAT is where my story here began. That is when he stole from us and yelled at me and then got into a yelling match with his dad. That is when he turned disrespectful of his dad. Said dad was always mean to him. Such bull. What a mess.</p><p>Now he still won't come to the house and see dad. He and I still talk. </p><p> He says he apologized for the stealing and the behavior. He did. it was (I felt) disingenuous. It was becasue he wanted to stay here until they got into their apartment. At first we said yes, then he asked for girlfriend and her dog to move in too, that was a no. Then he was mad again. He blames Dad for that becasue he was the one that immediately said no when the word dog came out. Actually, I wouldn't have minded the dog. I didn't want the girlfriend <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" />.</p><p>So anyhow after that side track.. I wonder at times if one of his issues IS that he saw how spoiled the kids were around here and although our kids were spoiled with time and (what we thought were nice vacations, he now says he hated going to Disney, that we never asked where HE wanted to go) We didn't buy cars for them, we didn't buy them smart phones, we didn't say yes to every little or big thing. </p><p>He says Jill and Adam are spoiled and we always did what they wanted but didn't ask him.</p><p>Well,Adam is in a wheelchair, and he works hard. We (dad and I) picked Disney and Orlando things becasue they are wheelchair friendly. Jill never complained about Disney, she loved it as much as me and still does. I asked her if she would have rather gone somewhere else. She said, "No, I love it there and it was so much fun with Adam, he could do almost everything". We did do other little breaks, me with Jill, Dad with Ben. Dad took him on overnights to baseball games he wanted to go a couple of times. He also blames his horrible attitude on us relocating when he was in KINDERGARTEN!!! He thinks it is because we left extended family. I know he is wrong about that. He missed my dad horribly BUT he passed away when Ben was 3 and all 3 kids still miss him terribly, he has been gone almost 20 years and it still so very missed. My kids didn't get to know my mom or that would have been another heartbreak. I don't know what we could have done differently. Their dad's parents weren't the kind of grandparents one misses like that.</p><p></p><p>So there is another Difficult Child with a proverbial chip on their shoulder. I hope that as time goes by he realizes what he is missing by not being a part of this family.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Tired out, post: 745034, member: 23103"] This is a very interesting conversation thread. I think of our neighborhood and how disrespectful and entitled many (95%?) of the kids that are in the 12-25 year range are. Also why we were so shocked by our son's behavior. We tried to never give our kids the feeling that they were entitled or better than anyone else.. The older people in the neighborhood would always stop Hubs and me when they ran into us out walking or in the grocery or at a neighborhood function. They would comment specifically on how nice, well mannered and helpful Ben was. He would be out walking around and always stop to help them, mow, shovel, take up their garbage can. There were 2 older couples he always helped with their Christmas decorations, getting them down out of attic.,out of crawl spaces, put them up etc. He would be invited to events with these couples. They would always compliment us on what a good young man he is. We had some battles through high school, turning in homework (he would do it, not turn it in) Not wanting to get up in the morning for school. It was a battle.We grounded him, no county fair with the guys, that is when he punched a hole in his bedroom wall--says he punched-(-he didn't he hit it with a bat)then put it on fb that he broke his hand punching his wall, 2 of his buddies showed up here all concerned. He was accused of stealing a girls phone 1 time, he was very angry. I got a call from a cop wanting to give me the 3rd degree about the phone! Then they requested we bring Ben to the police dept they wanted to talk to Ben. We ended up at the police station. We didn't leave Ben unattended (he was 17), they tried to get to talk to him with out us. I refused. I felt he was being railroaded. )I spoke with my brother-in-law who was a detective, and he had told me , either refuse the interview or don't leave him with them, they can twist things.) Nothing came of it. Then 2 months later I was at the school, I asked the office secretary if the phone ever turned up she said , "oh yeah! It turned out the girl had just "misplaced" her phone. She wanted a new one so she told her parents it was stolen and accused Ben!" BUT there was never any punishment or apology to Ben or to us! I wondered how that affected the way he felt about people. law enforcement. The 1st 2 years out of high school he had a (good) job and was moving up. Then a guy started working there and I slowly saw attitude and mood change from Ben. He started job hunting. Had a new job lined up, gave 2 weeks notice and the boss told him to just leave. Then the manager he was supposed to go to work for got fired the next week and the job fell through..He was very despondent and then it took him 3 months to find a job in his field. He started there and was there for 9 months and the dealership was sold, there were a lot of changes- we aren't sure if he quit or got fired. He says he was laid off, someone else told me he got angry and quit..who knows. Then he sulked for 5 months- said he was looking for a job-- i think he was smoking pot and wouldn't pass drug test so didn't look. THAT is where my story here began. That is when he stole from us and yelled at me and then got into a yelling match with his dad. That is when he turned disrespectful of his dad. Said dad was always mean to him. Such bull. What a mess. Now he still won't come to the house and see dad. He and I still talk. He says he apologized for the stealing and the behavior. He did. it was (I felt) disingenuous. It was becasue he wanted to stay here until they got into their apartment. At first we said yes, then he asked for girlfriend and her dog to move in too, that was a no. Then he was mad again. He blames Dad for that becasue he was the one that immediately said no when the word dog came out. Actually, I wouldn't have minded the dog. I didn't want the girlfriend :). So anyhow after that side track.. I wonder at times if one of his issues IS that he saw how spoiled the kids were around here and although our kids were spoiled with time and (what we thought were nice vacations, he now says he hated going to Disney, that we never asked where HE wanted to go) We didn't buy cars for them, we didn't buy them smart phones, we didn't say yes to every little or big thing. He says Jill and Adam are spoiled and we always did what they wanted but didn't ask him. Well,Adam is in a wheelchair, and he works hard. We (dad and I) picked Disney and Orlando things becasue they are wheelchair friendly. Jill never complained about Disney, she loved it as much as me and still does. I asked her if she would have rather gone somewhere else. She said, "No, I love it there and it was so much fun with Adam, he could do almost everything". We did do other little breaks, me with Jill, Dad with Ben. Dad took him on overnights to baseball games he wanted to go a couple of times. He also blames his horrible attitude on us relocating when he was in KINDERGARTEN!!! He thinks it is because we left extended family. I know he is wrong about that. He missed my dad horribly BUT he passed away when Ben was 3 and all 3 kids still miss him terribly, he has been gone almost 20 years and it still so very missed. My kids didn't get to know my mom or that would have been another heartbreak. I don't know what we could have done differently. Their dad's parents weren't the kind of grandparents one misses like that. So there is another Difficult Child with a proverbial chip on their shoulder. I hope that as time goes by he realizes what he is missing by not being a part of this family. [/QUOTE]
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