For me if one were to get to the "sucks to be you, kid" they would be void of compassion.
While I no longer enable my son I do still have compassion for him. It's more of "I feel bad for you that your life is a mess"
I agree with what RE has said about learning to love in a different way, a healthier way.
I truly don't think any of us planned on enabling our Difficult Child, it just kind of sneaks up on you. As mothers we have always been the one who would make everything ok for our children. When they would scrape their knee they came running to mommy because mommy would make it better, when they were sick we were the ones who were there with them in bathroom while they threw up. Our children relied on us for everything and we were willing to give it.
The natural course is for the mother and child to gently separate as the child grows into adulthood but for those of us with Difficult Child something went wrong and before we know it we are stuck in that "mommy" mode treating their drug addiction, abuse, thievery, etc.... as though they had a scraped knee. We do whatever we can to make it better. We enable.
It is the realization that nothing we do is working, we are exhausted, we have nothing left and it's at this point that we can begin the process of letting go and taking our life back.
