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What is Enabling
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 656283" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>I met a woman in town. We bonded. She was an urban sophisticate. Not a sophisticate, I am urban. We met several times for lunch.</p><p></p><p>Knowing that my SO is of a certain ethnicity, she made several subtly disparaging comments about the group. I cringed, but stayed, doubting I had understood correctly. I told her of a bid I made to buy a house. I had played there as a small child and old Mrs. Alcorn had treated me with kindness (there had been for me, not much kindness in those times...but that I did not share.)</p><p></p><p>When next we met she told me she was bidding on the same property. I finished the last few bites of lunch. I said nothing.</p><p></p><p>She emailed a couple of days later canceling our date for an all day bridge lesson in a large city nearby.</p><p></p><p>What did I want to do? she asked.</p><p></p><p>Cancel, I replied. Just that.</p><p></p><p>How did I want to get the refunded money? Make a date for lunch? Stop by her house? She could send me the money.</p><p></p><p>Don't worry about it, I wrote back.</p><p></p><p>"I get it" she replied. I'll donate the money.</p><p></p><p>"She's trying to insult you," said my SO. </p><p></p><p>Feeling insulted but not knowing why, I wrote back. Don't worry. You don't have to donate the money. Thanks for letting me know.</p><p></p><p>Again she wrote back.</p><p></p><p>Some nonsense.</p><p></p><p>I let go.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>\</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 656283, member: 18958"] I met a woman in town. We bonded. She was an urban sophisticate. Not a sophisticate, I am urban. We met several times for lunch. Knowing that my SO is of a certain ethnicity, she made several subtly disparaging comments about the group. I cringed, but stayed, doubting I had understood correctly. I told her of a bid I made to buy a house. I had played there as a small child and old Mrs. Alcorn had treated me with kindness (there had been for me, not much kindness in those times...but that I did not share.) When next we met she told me she was bidding on the same property. I finished the last few bites of lunch. I said nothing. She emailed a couple of days later canceling our date for an all day bridge lesson in a large city nearby. What did I want to do? she asked. Cancel, I replied. Just that. How did I want to get the refunded money? Make a date for lunch? Stop by her house? She could send me the money. Don't worry about it, I wrote back. "I get it" she replied. I'll donate the money. "She's trying to insult you," said my SO. Feeling insulted but not knowing why, I wrote back. Don't worry. You don't have to donate the money. Thanks for letting me know. Again she wrote back. Some nonsense. I let go. \ [/QUOTE]
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