I thought so just because you seem to need to put all your hopes and dreams into your son. As you know, I was in the same boat. Have you gone for GOOD (not crummy) therapy? It really helps you stop the drama that plays in your mind (you learn skills) and teaches you ways to self-soothe and take care of you. At the same time, you need to get that little girl inside of you to stop trying to please others...and, if you're like me, there is anger there too. I still have that, but I handle it better and see that it was me who was mistreated, not those who called me those vile names.
It is hard but it is worth it. YOU are bright and worthy and capable and kind...YOU are worth it. Once you take care of yourself (but you need to learn how), you will have a more relaxed attitude toward your son. I hope you choose yourself today 
