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What is forgiveness? What does it really mean?
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<blockquote data-quote="SuZir" data-source="post: 640867" data-attributes="member: 14557"><p>To me that "it happened, it is what it is", is just the first step to forgiveness. Next step is understanding. I have a need to know hows and whys. I try to empathize them, try to understand where they are coming from, why they did what they did, what was their thought process and how they justified it to themselves. To see their point of view to the fact. After that comes forgiveness. It includes both the previous steps, but also a decision of let go of feelings of anger and resentment. All this may take some time to get through. Sometimes quite a lot of time. For me forgiving doesn't mean forgetting, but it does mean that I will not bring the matter to the table any more nor do I think or act those hurt or angered emotions over the matter. However not forgetting means that I do remember what happened and take necessary action not to be hurt or used same way again.</p><p></p><p>For me it is not religious thing really, though my religious beliefs do commence me to try to be merciful and forgiving to others and being more vigilant and stringent with my own sinful nature than paying attention to other people's possible short comings, but that is mostly just a religious ideal that my aforementioned sinful nature efficiently prevents me from reaching, so mostly forgiving is just a selfish (and thus sinful) pursuit to make my life easier and easing the pain other people's actions may cause me. </p><p></p><p>I find that even if I would let go of the person who has hurt me, those feelings that hurt caused do not go anywhere. They stay and eat me alive, if I'm not able to forgive. If I have loved someone, or someone has just been a part of my life, those memories and those feelings do not leave me even if the person is not any more part of my life. I need a closure. I need to deal with those emotions and just letting them go doesn't work for me at all. And of course forgiveness can salvage a relationship even after a lot of wrongs have happened in that relationship. And I do not have too many loved ones to lose and even less people who have been there on my side long periods of time, people who would remember what I remember, know me from many perspectives and seen most of my roles in life, people who actually know me and whom I know. Those people are precious, and for me, few.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="SuZir, post: 640867, member: 14557"] To me that "it happened, it is what it is", is just the first step to forgiveness. Next step is understanding. I have a need to know hows and whys. I try to empathize them, try to understand where they are coming from, why they did what they did, what was their thought process and how they justified it to themselves. To see their point of view to the fact. After that comes forgiveness. It includes both the previous steps, but also a decision of let go of feelings of anger and resentment. All this may take some time to get through. Sometimes quite a lot of time. For me forgiving doesn't mean forgetting, but it does mean that I will not bring the matter to the table any more nor do I think or act those hurt or angered emotions over the matter. However not forgetting means that I do remember what happened and take necessary action not to be hurt or used same way again. For me it is not religious thing really, though my religious beliefs do commence me to try to be merciful and forgiving to others and being more vigilant and stringent with my own sinful nature than paying attention to other people's possible short comings, but that is mostly just a religious ideal that my aforementioned sinful nature efficiently prevents me from reaching, so mostly forgiving is just a selfish (and thus sinful) pursuit to make my life easier and easing the pain other people's actions may cause me. I find that even if I would let go of the person who has hurt me, those feelings that hurt caused do not go anywhere. They stay and eat me alive, if I'm not able to forgive. If I have loved someone, or someone has just been a part of my life, those memories and those feelings do not leave me even if the person is not any more part of my life. I need a closure. I need to deal with those emotions and just letting them go doesn't work for me at all. And of course forgiveness can salvage a relationship even after a lot of wrongs have happened in that relationship. And I do not have too many loved ones to lose and even less people who have been there on my side long periods of time, people who would remember what I remember, know me from many perspectives and seen most of my roles in life, people who actually know me and whom I know. Those people are precious, and for me, few. [/QUOTE]
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What is forgiveness? What does it really mean?
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