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What is Rock Bottom?
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<blockquote data-quote="New Leaf" data-source="post: 725262" data-attributes="member: 19522"><p>Rock Bottom, I have seen this expression many times here, that one has to reach rock bottom to want to change. Huh. I guess rock bottom is<em> way different </em>for each individual.</p><p>I might have even posted on this subject before.............</p><p> I heard news from son in law who visits the park where Rain is living.</p><p> Apparently, she has moved on to a different man and park. </p><p>Sigh.</p><p>Tornado, has taken her place there. Son went on to describe her gobbling down the pizza he brought, thin, bedraggled, face full of acne and "dressed like a prostitute".</p><p>Gulp.</p><p>Those old feelings stirring up inside of me. </p><p>I just felt weary and sad. </p><p>Thoughts started to role through my head about going down there and facing her, pleading with her to get help.</p><p>Prayers going up and deep breaths and time to sit with my feelings.</p><p>Truth is.....and it is hard to write.....because it seems cold.....but my Star Trek Spock inner voice is telling me, that she is dangerous. And she is. <em>To herself and anyone else.</em> </p><p>Whatever drug she is on, has taken her to places that I would never imagine being. </p><p>Lying, stealing, property damage, the whole nine yards. </p><p>How she views me, in her drug influenced mind, <em>makes her dangerous.</em></p><p>She is my daughter, and I love her.</p><p><em>I don't recognize her</em>.</p><p>Thoughts drift back to many happy memories of her childhood.</p><p>She is not a child.</p><p>29 and caught in the grip of drugs, <em>she is in there somewhere</em>. </p><p>Buried, deep. </p><p>I pray that that little voice inside of her will get louder and louder, that no drug will be able to squelch it out, that she will wake up and realize her potential.</p><p>It is a hard reality that I ponder on this beautiful Sunday morn.</p><p>My focus needs to shift again to the peace and sanctity of my home, my son, and rising above these sinking, gut grabbing feelings.</p><p>It is no small task, friends.</p><p>I do know that there is <em>nothing I can do,</em> to change the choices she makes, that this is a journey she must figure out. </p><p>I confess there is a nagging voice inside of my head that tells me to "Do something! Anything! You are her mother!"</p><p>What is there to do? Do I go down to the park and beg and plead for her to get help?</p><p>Spock voice...."There is help for her, if she wants it."</p><p>Leafy voice...."But maybe if she sees me, it will touch her somehow......some way.....to know that we still care?"</p><p>I don't know guys, I am <em>wrestling with this.</em></p><p>Sit with the feelings, pray and figure it out.</p><p>This sucks.</p><p>That is the culmination of so many words written, lamentations, prayers and sadness.</p><p>Two little words.</p><p>This sucks.</p><p>My Spock voice agrees.</p><p>It sucks.</p><p></p><p>Thanks for hearing my vent.</p><p></p><p></p><p>Leafy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="New Leaf, post: 725262, member: 19522"] Rock Bottom, I have seen this expression many times here, that one has to reach rock bottom to want to change. Huh. I guess rock bottom is[I] way different [/I]for each individual. I might have even posted on this subject before............. I heard news from son in law who visits the park where Rain is living. Apparently, she has moved on to a different man and park. Sigh. Tornado, has taken her place there. Son went on to describe her gobbling down the pizza he brought, thin, bedraggled, face full of acne and "dressed like a prostitute". Gulp. Those old feelings stirring up inside of me. I just felt weary and sad. Thoughts started to role through my head about going down there and facing her, pleading with her to get help. Prayers going up and deep breaths and time to sit with my feelings. Truth is.....and it is hard to write.....because it seems cold.....but my Star Trek Spock inner voice is telling me, that she is dangerous. And she is. [I]To herself and anyone else.[/I] Whatever drug she is on, has taken her to places that I would never imagine being. Lying, stealing, property damage, the whole nine yards. How she views me, in her drug influenced mind, [I]makes her dangerous.[/I] She is my daughter, and I love her. [I]I don't recognize her[/I]. Thoughts drift back to many happy memories of her childhood. She is not a child. 29 and caught in the grip of drugs, [I]she is in there somewhere[/I]. Buried, deep. I pray that that little voice inside of her will get louder and louder, that no drug will be able to squelch it out, that she will wake up and realize her potential. It is a hard reality that I ponder on this beautiful Sunday morn. My focus needs to shift again to the peace and sanctity of my home, my son, and rising above these sinking, gut grabbing feelings. It is no small task, friends. I do know that there is [I]nothing I can do,[/I] to change the choices she makes, that this is a journey she must figure out. I confess there is a nagging voice inside of my head that tells me to "Do something! Anything! You are her mother!" What is there to do? Do I go down to the park and beg and plead for her to get help? Spock voice...."There is help for her, if she wants it." Leafy voice...."But maybe if she sees me, it will touch her somehow......some way.....to know that we still care?" I don't know guys, I am [I]wrestling with this.[/I] Sit with the feelings, pray and figure it out. This sucks. That is the culmination of so many words written, lamentations, prayers and sadness. Two little words. This sucks. My Spock voice agrees. It sucks. Thanks for hearing my vent. Leafy [/QUOTE]
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