Okie, I love all these responses you are getting. They are helping you, I can tell - and they are helping me.
When I first read your post yesterday, it broke my heart and I could not find the words to write to you. But, others have and they are all speaking the truth.
You ARE doing what is best for you and for your son.
My Difficult Child is 34. Like you, I thought he would grow out of it.
No, he is always a victim. If you do not believe me, ask him. He can spin & distort facts faster than anyone, while keeping such a sincere expression. He has rewritten his entire childhood. And seems to believe it. No wonder he hates his dad and me! We were/are very bad people. 
Please stay close to the board. I hope you have a much, much better day - that each day gets a little easier. Although, it seems to be two steps forward, one step back for a few months. It will get become easier.
I remember, early on on this board, a member saying something along the lines of, "Come on SS. Join me in a life without a Difficult Child". It was better written than that, but it made me pause and smile because at that very moment, husband and I were so weighed down with the stress and guilt and remorse of our son's actions and words. not ours - our son's.
It takes a fair amount of time to separate the two and ditch the undeserved guilt. You will get there.
Hugs,
SS
