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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 745900" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>Love or fear, welcome. I am so very sorry you find yourself in such an untenable situation with your granddaughter. My heart goes out to you. I raised my now 22 year old granddaughter, who was emotionally traumatized, so I have an inkling of the fear and helplessness you feel. Being on the sidelines watching someone you love with all your heart go off the rails in such a dramatic way is devastating for us. </p><p></p><p>With your recent divorce, the deaths in your family and your worry about your granddaughter, the grief & sorrow must be overwhelming. At this point, self care is essential. I know it sounds strange when you are so worried about another, <strong><em>but YOU matter and YOU deserve love and support.</em></strong> i'm glad to read you have a counselor. It sure sounds as if you've been traumatized yourself. When I was in the middle of the worst times with my daughter and the intense anxiety had overtaken me, I went to a trauma specialist who told me in no uncertain terms, "you are traumatized." It woke me up. I was so busy taking care of everyone around me I had not realized how far out into fear I had traveled. </p><p></p><p>You might also contact NAMI, which is the National Alliance on Mental Illness. You can find them online, they offer support, resources, information and guidance. They have chapters in many cities. They offer parent support groups which may be able to offer you the support YOU need while offering you healthy ways of responding to your granddaughter's issues. I found them to be very helpful. </p><p></p><p>What helped me the most while dealing with so much emotional distress was to make myself the priority and begin focusing on MY needs. Often when we've been taking care of others for a long time, we forget to take care of ourselves, we focus on our loved ones who need help, at the expense of our own health and well being......I found therapy, NAMI, meditation, prayer, support groups, this site and many books helped me put myself as the priority which healed much of the pain, anxiety, fear and uncertainty. Making the shift to put myself as the priority was the biggest step in the change I needed to begin to learn how to accept what I have no control over. </p><p></p><p>It may be helpful to read the article on detachment at the bottom of my post. </p><p></p><p>Many of us here have faced or are facing what you are presently going through......it is not an easy path........I would encourage you to stick around......the folks here are gentle warriors.....we've been in your shoes.....we get it...... we'll circle our wagons around you........<em><strong>you are not alone</strong></em>.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 745900, member: 13542"] Love or fear, welcome. I am so very sorry you find yourself in such an untenable situation with your granddaughter. My heart goes out to you. I raised my now 22 year old granddaughter, who was emotionally traumatized, so I have an inkling of the fear and helplessness you feel. Being on the sidelines watching someone you love with all your heart go off the rails in such a dramatic way is devastating for us. With your recent divorce, the deaths in your family and your worry about your granddaughter, the grief & sorrow must be overwhelming. At this point, self care is essential. I know it sounds strange when you are so worried about another, [B][I]but YOU matter and YOU deserve love and support.[/I][/B] i'm glad to read you have a counselor. It sure sounds as if you've been traumatized yourself. When I was in the middle of the worst times with my daughter and the intense anxiety had overtaken me, I went to a trauma specialist who told me in no uncertain terms, "you are traumatized." It woke me up. I was so busy taking care of everyone around me I had not realized how far out into fear I had traveled. You might also contact NAMI, which is the National Alliance on Mental Illness. You can find them online, they offer support, resources, information and guidance. They have chapters in many cities. They offer parent support groups which may be able to offer you the support YOU need while offering you healthy ways of responding to your granddaughter's issues. I found them to be very helpful. What helped me the most while dealing with so much emotional distress was to make myself the priority and begin focusing on MY needs. Often when we've been taking care of others for a long time, we forget to take care of ourselves, we focus on our loved ones who need help, at the expense of our own health and well being......I found therapy, NAMI, meditation, prayer, support groups, this site and many books helped me put myself as the priority which healed much of the pain, anxiety, fear and uncertainty. Making the shift to put myself as the priority was the biggest step in the change I needed to begin to learn how to accept what I have no control over. It may be helpful to read the article on detachment at the bottom of my post. Many of us here have faced or are facing what you are presently going through......it is not an easy path........I would encourage you to stick around......the folks here are gentle warriors.....we've been in your shoes.....we get it...... we'll circle our wagons around you........[I][B]you are not alone[/B][/I]. [/QUOTE]
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