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What should we do?
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 531479" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>Boy Kathy, that's a tough one. I think it's a good idea, as TL said to make distinctions about what you are most concerned about. Having said that, I had an odd idea, and please throw this overboard if it's too out there since I do not deal with substance abuse and this may not be a good idea. However, there have been times when I have resorted to what I like to call the 'incentive program', or as my friend says, it's really out and out bribery!!! How about just laying it all out on the table with her, your concerns about the house, the water and electricity bills, her relapsing, her birthday issues, etc. and then saying, If each of these issues is controlled and you make it through the week in good shape, with the house safe and no relapsing, then you will, for her birthday and as a reward for keeping it together while you go away on a MUCH NEEDED vacation, give her something you know is important to her. Something heartfelt and valuable to her which will give her a sense of accomplishment as well as nourish her heart. We all like to be rewarded when we do a good job, and I think difficult child's don't often get that. It might give her something to work towards too. And, if she pulled it off, something to be proud of since you would be trusting her to do the right thing and hold it all together. It may also be prudent to have a friend or house-sitter check up on her and take her out to dinner as someone else mentioned. And PLEASE if this is inappropriate for her, just chalk this up to someone offering unsolicited bad advice!!! These are always hard choices with our difficult child's, I know, and I feel for you and hope that whatever you decide to do, you can both go away and really have a relaxing and peaceful time. You deserve that. HUGS to you Kathy.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 531479, member: 13542"] Boy Kathy, that's a tough one. I think it's a good idea, as TL said to make distinctions about what you are most concerned about. Having said that, I had an odd idea, and please throw this overboard if it's too out there since I do not deal with substance abuse and this may not be a good idea. However, there have been times when I have resorted to what I like to call the 'incentive program', or as my friend says, it's really out and out bribery!!! How about just laying it all out on the table with her, your concerns about the house, the water and electricity bills, her relapsing, her birthday issues, etc. and then saying, If each of these issues is controlled and you make it through the week in good shape, with the house safe and no relapsing, then you will, for her birthday and as a reward for keeping it together while you go away on a MUCH NEEDED vacation, give her something you know is important to her. Something heartfelt and valuable to her which will give her a sense of accomplishment as well as nourish her heart. We all like to be rewarded when we do a good job, and I think difficult child's don't often get that. It might give her something to work towards too. And, if she pulled it off, something to be proud of since you would be trusting her to do the right thing and hold it all together. It may also be prudent to have a friend or house-sitter check up on her and take her out to dinner as someone else mentioned. And PLEASE if this is inappropriate for her, just chalk this up to someone offering unsolicited bad advice!!! These are always hard choices with our difficult child's, I know, and I feel for you and hope that whatever you decide to do, you can both go away and really have a relaxing and peaceful time. You deserve that. HUGS to you Kathy. [/QUOTE]
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