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<blockquote data-quote="SuZir" data-source="post: 590143" data-attributes="member: 14557"><p>I truly sympathize from the bottom of my heart. Been there, done that, carry battle scars still, so does everyone else.</p><p></p><p>Unfortunately I don't have much advice for you. We never worked out a good solution and I certainly don't know what services you have available. Hopefully other may be able to help with that. Only thing I have to say is, that looking back, I really don't believe punitive actions helped at all. And they certainly made some things worse. My kid wasn't able to voice his anxiety and appeared very flippant and rebellious, but I truly believe his stubborn and extreme truancy was more about anxiety and being bullied than anything else.</p><p></p><p>We tried everything. Taking everything he enjoyed from him, restricting his life to minimum, boring him to death, humiliating him, corporal punishment (over the point of true abuse) and he got worse and more desperate. While especially husband's, but also my, attitude was similar to your husband's we certainly grew to regret those actions. They did horrible things to our relationship with our son and his ability to trust us or anyone. And there was simply no positive changes in his behaviour due all that punishing. In the end we understood we had gone so much overboard we didn't have any option but give up. We were lucky in our difficult child seemingly being able to produce the knowledge needed in any and all exams from thin air so in the end he just went to school when he felt like it, made deals with different teachers what he had to do to make up all the absences and ended up with excellent grades and really knowing the stuff he should. But that approach certainly can't be recommended.</p><p></p><p>So my only advise is: build to positives, don't take them off. Try to make your husband to see, your difficult child is not having fun with it and is not doing it, because that would be easier for himself. And try to be flexible in how he could complete his schooling. Is there for example any kind of distant learning opportunities?</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="SuZir, post: 590143, member: 14557"] I truly sympathize from the bottom of my heart. Been there, done that, carry battle scars still, so does everyone else. Unfortunately I don't have much advice for you. We never worked out a good solution and I certainly don't know what services you have available. Hopefully other may be able to help with that. Only thing I have to say is, that looking back, I really don't believe punitive actions helped at all. And they certainly made some things worse. My kid wasn't able to voice his anxiety and appeared very flippant and rebellious, but I truly believe his stubborn and extreme truancy was more about anxiety and being bullied than anything else. We tried everything. Taking everything he enjoyed from him, restricting his life to minimum, boring him to death, humiliating him, corporal punishment (over the point of true abuse) and he got worse and more desperate. While especially husband's, but also my, attitude was similar to your husband's we certainly grew to regret those actions. They did horrible things to our relationship with our son and his ability to trust us or anyone. And there was simply no positive changes in his behaviour due all that punishing. In the end we understood we had gone so much overboard we didn't have any option but give up. We were lucky in our difficult child seemingly being able to produce the knowledge needed in any and all exams from thin air so in the end he just went to school when he felt like it, made deals with different teachers what he had to do to make up all the absences and ended up with excellent grades and really knowing the stuff he should. But that approach certainly can't be recommended. So my only advise is: build to positives, don't take them off. Try to make your husband to see, your difficult child is not having fun with it and is not doing it, because that would be easier for himself. And try to be flexible in how he could complete his schooling. Is there for example any kind of distant learning opportunities? [/QUOTE]
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