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what to do when difficult child refuses to go for help?
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<blockquote data-quote="idohope" data-source="post: 373015" data-attributes="member: 7722"><p>Hi,</p><p></p><p>I totally get your question (have lived it) and I think posted a very similar question to this board some time ago.</p><p></p><p>Looking back I now know some things that I would not do again and some that worked. We at one point, when difficult child was younger did "force" her to go to a therapist. We had a parent sit next to her in the car and make sure she remained buckled etc. The initial sessions she spent the time tantruming on the floor or trying to run from the office. She was also tantrumming at home for days around the appts and trashing her room. Eventually we once we figured out how to give difficult child some control of the situation were we able to get her to go. She intially agreed to stay for 10 minutes and then leave. Did not have to say or do anything but at least stay in the room for 10 minutes. Once she was able to dictate the time and leave at the appointed amount we were able to extend the time over several appts to a full session. There was also a bribe associated with each session and a fast food meal. But these sessions were never productive. A combo of not right therapist and difficult child just shutting down if anything at all related to issues were mentioned. This was a couple of years ago. difficult child was younger, smaller and less physical. I had not found this board at this time and I regret what we did in terms of "forcing" her to go and would not do it again in that way.</p><p></p><p>We eventually found another therapist and for an initial visit the whole family went. difficult child was reluctant and ran off into the parking lot. It was a potentially dangerous situation. Her shoe came off in the snow enabling me to eventually catch her. therapist saw her for 1-2 minutes that day. (but it was enough for me to hear the words ODD for the first time). husband and I worked with therapist for a while and implemented some stuff at home (parent child interactive therapy) that difficult child actually responded to. We eventually got difficult child (with bribes) and assurances that she did not need to actually go in the therapist office (there was a playroom) to go to an appointment. For us things that made a difference were: using a side door, not having any co-pay or paperwork that mentioned difficult children name done while difficult child was there (so for example going into an office and having to say "An appointment with Dr. X for difficult child" could send difficult child running), having the appointment at the "right" time (could not be picked up from school; not missing any activity). The therapist helped us work on these things. Plus the therapist was just a great match personality wise for difficult child. difficult child got to where no bribe was really needed and she would go to appts and into the therapist office. therapist was going slow in building rapport and then moved practices and we could not continue seeing therapist so no real progress was made.</p><p></p><p>At this point we realized we needed psychiatrist. husband and I saw psychiatrist multiple times and built a strategy to get difficult child in. It involved getting sitter for PCs and getting them out of the house so they were not around at all and so that we had two parents to try to get difficult child to appointment. With therapist we found that advance notice about appts helped but for this one we did not tell her till just before appointment. psychiatrist allowed difficult child to bring pet to office. psychiatrist actually came out and sat in our car with difficult child and pet when we first arrived because difficult child refused to come in. After talking in car for a few minutes we did convince difficult child to go into office with pet. difficult child did have a very violent meltdown at home after the visit. We are now trialing abilify. You can see recent posts from me about struggles to get difficult child to take medications.... difficult child has not been back to see psychiatrist and that will take some planning and effort.</p><p></p><p>I hope that sharing these experiences let you know that you are not alone and that you can you find something in this post that will help with your difficult child.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="idohope, post: 373015, member: 7722"] Hi, I totally get your question (have lived it) and I think posted a very similar question to this board some time ago. Looking back I now know some things that I would not do again and some that worked. We at one point, when difficult child was younger did "force" her to go to a therapist. We had a parent sit next to her in the car and make sure she remained buckled etc. The initial sessions she spent the time tantruming on the floor or trying to run from the office. She was also tantrumming at home for days around the appts and trashing her room. Eventually we once we figured out how to give difficult child some control of the situation were we able to get her to go. She intially agreed to stay for 10 minutes and then leave. Did not have to say or do anything but at least stay in the room for 10 minutes. Once she was able to dictate the time and leave at the appointed amount we were able to extend the time over several appts to a full session. There was also a bribe associated with each session and a fast food meal. But these sessions were never productive. A combo of not right therapist and difficult child just shutting down if anything at all related to issues were mentioned. This was a couple of years ago. difficult child was younger, smaller and less physical. I had not found this board at this time and I regret what we did in terms of "forcing" her to go and would not do it again in that way. We eventually found another therapist and for an initial visit the whole family went. difficult child was reluctant and ran off into the parking lot. It was a potentially dangerous situation. Her shoe came off in the snow enabling me to eventually catch her. therapist saw her for 1-2 minutes that day. (but it was enough for me to hear the words ODD for the first time). husband and I worked with therapist for a while and implemented some stuff at home (parent child interactive therapy) that difficult child actually responded to. We eventually got difficult child (with bribes) and assurances that she did not need to actually go in the therapist office (there was a playroom) to go to an appointment. For us things that made a difference were: using a side door, not having any co-pay or paperwork that mentioned difficult children name done while difficult child was there (so for example going into an office and having to say "An appointment with Dr. X for difficult child" could send difficult child running), having the appointment at the "right" time (could not be picked up from school; not missing any activity). The therapist helped us work on these things. Plus the therapist was just a great match personality wise for difficult child. difficult child got to where no bribe was really needed and she would go to appts and into the therapist office. therapist was going slow in building rapport and then moved practices and we could not continue seeing therapist so no real progress was made. At this point we realized we needed psychiatrist. husband and I saw psychiatrist multiple times and built a strategy to get difficult child in. It involved getting sitter for PCs and getting them out of the house so they were not around at all and so that we had two parents to try to get difficult child to appointment. With therapist we found that advance notice about appts helped but for this one we did not tell her till just before appointment. psychiatrist allowed difficult child to bring pet to office. psychiatrist actually came out and sat in our car with difficult child and pet when we first arrived because difficult child refused to come in. After talking in car for a few minutes we did convince difficult child to go into office with pet. difficult child did have a very violent meltdown at home after the visit. We are now trialing abilify. You can see recent posts from me about struggles to get difficult child to take medications.... difficult child has not been back to see psychiatrist and that will take some planning and effort. I hope that sharing these experiences let you know that you are not alone and that you can you find something in this post that will help with your difficult child. [/QUOTE]
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