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What to do when they are missing...
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 745145" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Dear elsi</p><p></p><p>I am writing something that may sound obtuse but nonetheless I feel it may give solace. She is missing from your vantage point. She is not missing from her own vantage point.</p><p></p><p>What do I mean?</p><p></p><p>One. You have ruled out most of the scariest alternatives.</p><p></p><p>Two. She has told you she is not ready. (Telling you clearly and straight out I see as growth and hopeful however we would want her to choose otherwise.) She has given you a way to frame her MIA status, however unsavory it is.</p><p></p><p>Three. She may feel shame and even conflict about her choices. This is a good thing! But it could be motivating her to stay away.</p><p></p><p>Four. On one level this is not about her. It is about you. And your decision to hold in your own mind a hopeful story. Or several of them.</p><p></p><p>Five. This is about you. Fundamentally. Can you find a place in yourself to posit safety. To declare it to be so. To make the maintenance of this steady state your highest priority, your most precious jewel.</p><p></p><p>Oh. I know how hard this is. The many months I had (have) of waking at 3 am in panic and agony; waking up depressed and needing an hour to burn off the fog.</p><p></p><p>My sons situation is unchanged. But I am changed. We can do this in ourselves.</p><p></p><p>Six. Yes. The worst happens. But most times it does not. We do not have to stay in that place. Yes we go there. We don't have to stay.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 745145, member: 18958"] Dear elsi I am writing something that may sound obtuse but nonetheless I feel it may give solace. She is missing from your vantage point. She is not missing from her own vantage point. What do I mean? One. You have ruled out most of the scariest alternatives. Two. She has told you she is not ready. (Telling you clearly and straight out I see as growth and hopeful however we would want her to choose otherwise.) She has given you a way to frame her MIA status, however unsavory it is. Three. She may feel shame and even conflict about her choices. This is a good thing! But it could be motivating her to stay away. Four. On one level this is not about her. It is about you. And your decision to hold in your own mind a hopeful story. Or several of them. Five. This is about you. Fundamentally. Can you find a place in yourself to posit safety. To declare it to be so. To make the maintenance of this steady state your highest priority, your most precious jewel. Oh. I know how hard this is. The many months I had (have) of waking at 3 am in panic and agony; waking up depressed and needing an hour to burn off the fog. My sons situation is unchanged. But I am changed. We can do this in ourselves. Six. Yes. The worst happens. But most times it does not. We do not have to stay in that place. Yes we go there. We don't have to stay. [/QUOTE]
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