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What we do to accept there is nothing we can do
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<blockquote data-quote="Elsi" data-source="post: 741802" data-attributes="member: 23349"><p>SWOT, you are amazing! You have stayed strong through so much, and continue to do so much for all of your family. Even Bart, even though he doesn't seem to appreciate your insight or advice. You bring an important long-term perspective for a lot of us here. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Thank you. He is doing great! He had multiple surgeries as an infant and the last one right before he turned two but all looks good now. His cardiologist thinks we may be able to go to annual visits after this year! It is truly amazing what they are able to do in surgery now. He is an incredible little guy and is growing up trilingual. He's already learning that he needs to speak English with grandma Elsi, his mom's native language with his other grandma, and Spanish with his daycare provider and buddies! I wish they lived closer. I don't get to see him nearly often enough but at least he will FaceTime with me now! </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I know what you mean. I wish S would join in with mother-daughter stuff with E and me. We made applesauce with my mom last weekend and had a lot of fun together. S would think it's stupid. C at least I think has some self-recognition, but S I think is so far into her dysfunctional world that she can't even comprehend that there are other ways to live. I know their lives are very different, but I think they are all the same in being unwilling to change their behaviors to get along better with other people around them or achieve goals they claim are important to them. And S in particular also seems to see people primarily in terms of what she can get from them. It breaks my heart. Oddly enough, she also thinks she is fine and doesn't need to change, in spite of what I would think would be overwhelming evidence to the contrary based on her life circumstances. But she thinks of her life circumstances as bad luck that just happened to her, rather than something she is actively contributing to. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I've always journaled in one way or another, even as a little kid. I need to process things through words and language and explicit analysis. I don't think I'll share anything with any of my kids, though. There's some dark stuff in there. I'll probably burn them. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>My heart goes out to J. It sounds like the custody battle has been horrendous for him, and I hate that he is still in an environment where he can be abused part of the time. I hope that Bart can see eventually that putting too much pressure on J for his own emotional wellbeing is damaging in its own way as well. And that going overboard with presents and toys won't help either. Poor J just needs a consistent, loving adult presence and a peaceful, predictable environment to be in. I know you don't get to see much of him, but I hope you can find ways to support him from afar and still be a presence in his life. </p><p></p><p>I hope you have a great day with the trainer and with Jumper and Sonic!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Elsi, post: 741802, member: 23349"] SWOT, you are amazing! You have stayed strong through so much, and continue to do so much for all of your family. Even Bart, even though he doesn't seem to appreciate your insight or advice. You bring an important long-term perspective for a lot of us here. Thank you. He is doing great! He had multiple surgeries as an infant and the last one right before he turned two but all looks good now. His cardiologist thinks we may be able to go to annual visits after this year! It is truly amazing what they are able to do in surgery now. He is an incredible little guy and is growing up trilingual. He's already learning that he needs to speak English with grandma Elsi, his mom's native language with his other grandma, and Spanish with his daycare provider and buddies! I wish they lived closer. I don't get to see him nearly often enough but at least he will FaceTime with me now! I know what you mean. I wish S would join in with mother-daughter stuff with E and me. We made applesauce with my mom last weekend and had a lot of fun together. S would think it's stupid. C at least I think has some self-recognition, but S I think is so far into her dysfunctional world that she can't even comprehend that there are other ways to live. I know their lives are very different, but I think they are all the same in being unwilling to change their behaviors to get along better with other people around them or achieve goals they claim are important to them. And S in particular also seems to see people primarily in terms of what she can get from them. It breaks my heart. Oddly enough, she also thinks she is fine and doesn't need to change, in spite of what I would think would be overwhelming evidence to the contrary based on her life circumstances. But she thinks of her life circumstances as bad luck that just happened to her, rather than something she is actively contributing to. I've always journaled in one way or another, even as a little kid. I need to process things through words and language and explicit analysis. I don't think I'll share anything with any of my kids, though. There's some dark stuff in there. I'll probably burn them. My heart goes out to J. It sounds like the custody battle has been horrendous for him, and I hate that he is still in an environment where he can be abused part of the time. I hope that Bart can see eventually that putting too much pressure on J for his own emotional wellbeing is damaging in its own way as well. And that going overboard with presents and toys won't help either. Poor J just needs a consistent, loving adult presence and a peaceful, predictable environment to be in. I know you don't get to see much of him, but I hope you can find ways to support him from afar and still be a presence in his life. I hope you have a great day with the trainer and with Jumper and Sonic! [/QUOTE]
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