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<blockquote data-quote="Hound dog" data-source="post: 352697" data-attributes="member: 84"><p>((((hugs))))) Believer</p><p></p><p>Please make sure you're taking time for breaks (even if it's a short walk or soaking in a hot bath) for yourself. </p><p></p><p>Parenting adult kids can be so darn hard and it's just not like parenting children. With mine.......I try to let them do it on their own with as little interference from me as possible. I do try to be there to be supportive, to listen, and maybe offer helpful information that might lead them the right direction. And sometimes I'm forced to call them on behavior even when they definitely don't want to hear it. That usually doesn't make me very popular at the time.</p><p></p><p>This last down spiral of Nichole's, I had to bluntly and directly point out to her the behaviors I was seeing and how it was directly affecting innocent people around her. I couldn't even be kind about it because I <em><strong>had</strong></em> to get her attention. Her response was vicious, meant to hurt. But I hadn't expected her to like what I had to say......so I let it roll off my back. What I said did get her attention and snap her out of self destructive behavior. BUT it could've easily gone the other way and I may not have talked or seen her again for a very long time. Sometimes, that is the risk you have to take in order to do what is the right thing for your child and their situation. In those situations I'm working on faith that one day down the road they'll see that I did it out of love and concern. And with mine........I've found that eventually they do come to see that.</p><p></p><p>Even my addict bff whom I refused to do anything that might enable her to get more drugs told me more than once (depended where her mind was) that she understood why I'd had to set limits and boundaries that I couldn't let myself cross in order to attempt to help her. Watching someone bottom out (while hoping that they'll seek out treatment) is one the the hardest things I've ever done. But until they reach their<em><strong> own personal bottoming out point</strong></em>, they aren't going to be motivated to change their behavior. </p><p></p><p>There are some articles here on learning to detach (in order to cope and not enable). Hopefully one of the mods will be able to direct you to them as they've helped a lot of us. And keep posting. I don't know what I'd do without the support of the parents here on the board.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Hound dog, post: 352697, member: 84"] ((((hugs))))) Believer Please make sure you're taking time for breaks (even if it's a short walk or soaking in a hot bath) for yourself. Parenting adult kids can be so darn hard and it's just not like parenting children. With mine.......I try to let them do it on their own with as little interference from me as possible. I do try to be there to be supportive, to listen, and maybe offer helpful information that might lead them the right direction. And sometimes I'm forced to call them on behavior even when they definitely don't want to hear it. That usually doesn't make me very popular at the time. This last down spiral of Nichole's, I had to bluntly and directly point out to her the behaviors I was seeing and how it was directly affecting innocent people around her. I couldn't even be kind about it because I [I][B]had[/B][/I] to get her attention. Her response was vicious, meant to hurt. But I hadn't expected her to like what I had to say......so I let it roll off my back. What I said did get her attention and snap her out of self destructive behavior. BUT it could've easily gone the other way and I may not have talked or seen her again for a very long time. Sometimes, that is the risk you have to take in order to do what is the right thing for your child and their situation. In those situations I'm working on faith that one day down the road they'll see that I did it out of love and concern. And with mine........I've found that eventually they do come to see that. Even my addict bff whom I refused to do anything that might enable her to get more drugs told me more than once (depended where her mind was) that she understood why I'd had to set limits and boundaries that I couldn't let myself cross in order to attempt to help her. Watching someone bottom out (while hoping that they'll seek out treatment) is one the the hardest things I've ever done. But until they reach their[I][B] own personal bottoming out point[/B][/I], they aren't going to be motivated to change their behavior. There are some articles here on learning to detach (in order to cope and not enable). Hopefully one of the mods will be able to direct you to them as they've helped a lot of us. And keep posting. I don't know what I'd do without the support of the parents here on the board. [/QUOTE]
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