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What would you do differently? mini vent
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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 278825" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>Thanks all for giving me your invaluable insight. IT really helps when you feel like everything is whirling to get some fresh perspective and support. So thanks - </p><p> </p><p>Update: I sat down with DF last night and we decided that we need to redraw the boundaries and stick to them. The lines sorta got smudged when he started working (huge) and being responsible (huge) and doing things he was supposed to do. I think we as parents just got into a rut and said "OH wel if THIS is normal then THIS is allowed because it will work itself out." and you want day to day life to be uneventful - so you give a little more than you usually would. A little turns into more, more turns into a lot and a lot turns into chaos. </p><p> </p><p>I guess I just felt I was doing SO well on detaching from the big things that I allowed little things by to make it better....and it wasn't hard to fall into old patterns again. </p><p> </p><p>The house will be on lockdown - </p><p>The garage/shop will be on lockdown - since he drove a car out of the yard without it being registered, tagged and license - there will be NO more using of tools at our house. DF said his foot is down and not moving on this issue. </p><p> </p><p>The computer will be off limits - I'm trying to save for a new one - and then it will be locked. I'm changing the passwords too. </p><p> </p><p>We realized last night that when he comes to our house - he's not coming to see us - or help us or visit - or even eat. He's using the shop, the computer, our chemicals to clean his car, and all these things he could do at his own home. From now on if he comes for a visit - it's on our terms and at our asking. As far as him coming to help - if he helps fine. If not we'll just do smaller amounts as we can - and get by. </p><p> </p><p>I know there is a battle ahead over this and he may just say "Forget you" and never come back - but then I see Suz tell that she has trust again with Rob and I think ----yeah - that's whats missing. (Thanks Suz) </p><p> </p><p>Everyone - HAVE A GREAT DAY. </p><p><img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite2" alt=";)" title="Wink ;)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=";)" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 278825, member: 4964"] Thanks all for giving me your invaluable insight. IT really helps when you feel like everything is whirling to get some fresh perspective and support. So thanks - Update: I sat down with DF last night and we decided that we need to redraw the boundaries and stick to them. The lines sorta got smudged when he started working (huge) and being responsible (huge) and doing things he was supposed to do. I think we as parents just got into a rut and said "OH wel if THIS is normal then THIS is allowed because it will work itself out." and you want day to day life to be uneventful - so you give a little more than you usually would. A little turns into more, more turns into a lot and a lot turns into chaos. I guess I just felt I was doing SO well on detaching from the big things that I allowed little things by to make it better....and it wasn't hard to fall into old patterns again. The house will be on lockdown - The garage/shop will be on lockdown - since he drove a car out of the yard without it being registered, tagged and license - there will be NO more using of tools at our house. DF said his foot is down and not moving on this issue. The computer will be off limits - I'm trying to save for a new one - and then it will be locked. I'm changing the passwords too. We realized last night that when he comes to our house - he's not coming to see us - or help us or visit - or even eat. He's using the shop, the computer, our chemicals to clean his car, and all these things he could do at his own home. From now on if he comes for a visit - it's on our terms and at our asking. As far as him coming to help - if he helps fine. If not we'll just do smaller amounts as we can - and get by. I know there is a battle ahead over this and he may just say "Forget you" and never come back - but then I see Suz tell that she has trust again with Rob and I think ----yeah - that's whats missing. (Thanks Suz) Everyone - HAVE A GREAT DAY. :winking: [/QUOTE]
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