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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 431793" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>To me these would both be HUGE issues. We do NOT steal. Simple message - any child that does not get this or chooses to break it gets HUGE consequences. They return the money or item to the owner, apologize and give that same amount either to the owner or to a charity in the owner's name. Even just the price of a pack of gum is treated this way. Any child who steals from a store must go back, give it back, pay for it (even though they do NOT get to keep it), apologize and take ANY consequence the store chooses to impose, like pressing charges. Wiz got BLESSED that one store was a dollar store with a mgr who didn't give a hoot and the other was a mom and pop store and they just chewed him out for about an hour. He also had to pay for transportation and our time (at $10 per hour) because he stole from a store 75 miles away from our home. If the child wants to hide behind mommy and not apologize? They are taken to the nearest findable police station for a discussion with an officer and a view of the jail cells. Jess got this at the age of four - she would NOT apologize because she was scared, but the real world does NOT care. Then our local police station actually had someone in their one person cell, so we had to go back. To this very day she remembers this VIVIDLY and will even tell groups of friends who discuss shoplifting that she will turn them in in a heartbeat because she is NOT going to jail for anyone. Ever. </p><p></p><p>I think you need to find another person to watch him - if he were coming to my home I would not watn to keep watching him after he purposely destroyed my tv and stole from me twice in a matter of weeks.I would realize that it was just not the right fit for him, that he needed something I just do not have to give him.</p><p></p><p>At 10 he is way old enough for a punishment. He needs to be accountable for a sizeable portion of the cost of the tv. If he has savings, they go to that. He must do extra chores for as long as it takes to pay down his debt. Do not pay per hour, pay per job because otherwise he will drag each job out to many times its reasonable length. Do NOT take 100% of allowance, money earned doing chores,e tc.... Fifty percent go to paying you back and fifty percent go to him. This way he gets SOME reward and he still has some money for little things. But ANY time he asks you for something - gum, candy, a quarter for a vending machine, it must come out of HIS money. If you give him cash then he must have it with him at the time to buy the item, or he must wait and get it another time. If you do what we did, and keep a tally of how much each child has earned, then buy the item but they do NOT get it until you and he subtract it from the total of what he has earned. If he has earned nothing, then you don't buy it. IF he has not earned enough in the half that is his to spend, you do not buy it. He has to do more work and then get it, just liek the rest of us.</p><p></p><p>It is going to be long and hard because it is a large amt of money. He sure knows how to go big when he does something, doesn't he? You also need to let the neighbor know that if she chooses to call the police that you will support HER, not your child. If you try to get your child out of this it will send a very wrong message that he can do what he wants because mommy will protect him from the cops. He needs to learn, right now, that stealing and damaging other people's property is a HUGE no-no and that consequences are going to last a very very long time if he wrecks something big.</p><p></p><p>I am sorry that you have to deal with this. Maybe some of his punishment should be doing a chore like raking the yard or something for the neighbor - NOT for money, but to show her he is very very sorry.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 431793, member: 1233"] To me these would both be HUGE issues. We do NOT steal. Simple message - any child that does not get this or chooses to break it gets HUGE consequences. They return the money or item to the owner, apologize and give that same amount either to the owner or to a charity in the owner's name. Even just the price of a pack of gum is treated this way. Any child who steals from a store must go back, give it back, pay for it (even though they do NOT get to keep it), apologize and take ANY consequence the store chooses to impose, like pressing charges. Wiz got BLESSED that one store was a dollar store with a mgr who didn't give a hoot and the other was a mom and pop store and they just chewed him out for about an hour. He also had to pay for transportation and our time (at $10 per hour) because he stole from a store 75 miles away from our home. If the child wants to hide behind mommy and not apologize? They are taken to the nearest findable police station for a discussion with an officer and a view of the jail cells. Jess got this at the age of four - she would NOT apologize because she was scared, but the real world does NOT care. Then our local police station actually had someone in their one person cell, so we had to go back. To this very day she remembers this VIVIDLY and will even tell groups of friends who discuss shoplifting that she will turn them in in a heartbeat because she is NOT going to jail for anyone. Ever. I think you need to find another person to watch him - if he were coming to my home I would not watn to keep watching him after he purposely destroyed my tv and stole from me twice in a matter of weeks.I would realize that it was just not the right fit for him, that he needed something I just do not have to give him. At 10 he is way old enough for a punishment. He needs to be accountable for a sizeable portion of the cost of the tv. If he has savings, they go to that. He must do extra chores for as long as it takes to pay down his debt. Do not pay per hour, pay per job because otherwise he will drag each job out to many times its reasonable length. Do NOT take 100% of allowance, money earned doing chores,e tc.... Fifty percent go to paying you back and fifty percent go to him. This way he gets SOME reward and he still has some money for little things. But ANY time he asks you for something - gum, candy, a quarter for a vending machine, it must come out of HIS money. If you give him cash then he must have it with him at the time to buy the item, or he must wait and get it another time. If you do what we did, and keep a tally of how much each child has earned, then buy the item but they do NOT get it until you and he subtract it from the total of what he has earned. If he has earned nothing, then you don't buy it. IF he has not earned enough in the half that is his to spend, you do not buy it. He has to do more work and then get it, just liek the rest of us. It is going to be long and hard because it is a large amt of money. He sure knows how to go big when he does something, doesn't he? You also need to let the neighbor know that if she chooses to call the police that you will support HER, not your child. If you try to get your child out of this it will send a very wrong message that he can do what he wants because mommy will protect him from the cops. He needs to learn, right now, that stealing and damaging other people's property is a HUGE no-no and that consequences are going to last a very very long time if he wrecks something big. I am sorry that you have to deal with this. Maybe some of his punishment should be doing a chore like raking the yard or something for the neighbor - NOT for money, but to show her he is very very sorry. [/QUOTE]
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