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<blockquote data-quote="Running_for_the_shelter" data-source="post: 432493" data-attributes="member: 2960"><p>Your child may well be doing the best he can. If the medication mix is different or one or more medications needs adjustment (esp. as children grow and put on weight) -- or a dozen different reasons -- his brain chemistry might be so far off, he's back to where he was years ago. It's nice if you can you use the collaborative problem solving system you have with him to work out an appropriate course of action (apologize, pay for the TV, make a list of What I Can Do Instead of Kicking a Television), but he may not be able to do that too well. Replacing a TV is very big. </p><p></p><p>I don't look at replacing the TV as a punishment. It really is the natural consequence of breaking someone else's stuff. [I hate the word "consequences" because it generally is just a code word for punishment.] Not letting him watch your TV until he has paid for whatever portion of the TV you are going to require is really a punishment. [I'd probably do that.] I doubt I would make him pay for the whole television since unless you have rich relatives handing your kid cash, he isn't going to come up with $1000 in any reasonable time frame. I ask myself, is it about the money or making sure he understands he has to pay for what he breaks? [When difficult child kicked out his window, I made him pay for the window but not the hospital bill -- I didn't think he'd understand that part too well.]</p><p></p><p>difficult child went through a stealing phase. Yeah, I made him take the stuff back and apologize, and of course I watched him like a hawk and discreetly patted him down in the check-out line of grocery stores. He can't tell me why he did it, and he does feel bad afterward. He simply can't control 100% of his impulses yet. The space between stimulus and response is very, very small with him. Sometimes he can control himself better than other times and frankly, punishing him during the "down" cycle doesn't do anything useful. He knows what he does isn't OK. He doesn't need me to come down on him like a duck on a june bug to teach him that. What he needs to be taught are useful tools for dealing with anger and impulse issues, but that's not so easy. </p><p></p><p>I am too tired to go back over this and make it more coherent, but I hope you see what I was after. Basically, he doesn't need to be punished to know he did something wrong. His brain may not even comprehend the magnitude of what he did and punishing him isn't going to get him there.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Running_for_the_shelter, post: 432493, member: 2960"] Your child may well be doing the best he can. If the medication mix is different or one or more medications needs adjustment (esp. as children grow and put on weight) -- or a dozen different reasons -- his brain chemistry might be so far off, he's back to where he was years ago. It's nice if you can you use the collaborative problem solving system you have with him to work out an appropriate course of action (apologize, pay for the TV, make a list of What I Can Do Instead of Kicking a Television), but he may not be able to do that too well. Replacing a TV is very big. I don't look at replacing the TV as a punishment. It really is the natural consequence of breaking someone else's stuff. [I hate the word "consequences" because it generally is just a code word for punishment.] Not letting him watch your TV until he has paid for whatever portion of the TV you are going to require is really a punishment. [I'd probably do that.] I doubt I would make him pay for the whole television since unless you have rich relatives handing your kid cash, he isn't going to come up with $1000 in any reasonable time frame. I ask myself, is it about the money or making sure he understands he has to pay for what he breaks? [When difficult child kicked out his window, I made him pay for the window but not the hospital bill -- I didn't think he'd understand that part too well.] difficult child went through a stealing phase. Yeah, I made him take the stuff back and apologize, and of course I watched him like a hawk and discreetly patted him down in the check-out line of grocery stores. He can't tell me why he did it, and he does feel bad afterward. He simply can't control 100% of his impulses yet. The space between stimulus and response is very, very small with him. Sometimes he can control himself better than other times and frankly, punishing him during the "down" cycle doesn't do anything useful. He knows what he does isn't OK. He doesn't need me to come down on him like a duck on a june bug to teach him that. What he needs to be taught are useful tools for dealing with anger and impulse issues, but that's not so easy. I am too tired to go back over this and make it more coherent, but I hope you see what I was after. Basically, he doesn't need to be punished to know he did something wrong. His brain may not even comprehend the magnitude of what he did and punishing him isn't going to get him there. [/QUOTE]
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