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The Watercooler
When a Parent's "I love you" means "Do as I say"
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 306767" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>I am also torn about the article. I did not read the articles referenced yet. I do think homework is badly misused in our schools though.</p><p></p><p>As for this, I have no problem showing irritation at a child who has refused to do something. I also have no problem making a child do a chore for me in exchange for me mending something they ripped, or doing something special that THEY asked for. If I suggest it or offer it then I don't expect that. </p><p></p><p>ALL of my kids know I love them. Period. Even Wiz, who has thanked me for loving him and hugging him even when he was in his abusive stage. NOT a thank you I or anyone else ever thought about being needed. </p><p></p><p>In the immediate aftermath of an argument or explosion from a child, or as i discover the child lied about doing a chore that they didn't do, I often need a small amount of time before I can hug them. I mean 5 minutes or so. Not hours or days. Just a few minutes to reset my brain and emotions. They all are sure in the knowledge that tehy are loved. period. ESP after all the stuff with Wiz the kids know there is NOTHING they can do that will keep me from loving them.</p><p></p><p>I see it as emotional blackmail of a parent to not be able to show a child when their actions have hurt you. How are they to learn to be courteous and kind if we are some creature who cannot be hurt by their actions?</p><p></p><p>How do they learn to control their emotions if we don't show them that we HAVE emotions? Esp emotions triggered by the actions of another.</p><p></p><p>I don't go for "Eat one bite for gpa, won't you make gpa happy by eating a bite?" (we don't use "taking a bite" because my kids would take the bite. And feed it to the dog or put it in the trash, LOL! Talk about startling my dad - Jess actually DID this to him at age 22 months.)</p><p></p><p>I don't praise everything my kids do. Maybe I don't praise enough, I don't know. But I do see a point in not using emotions to blackmail a child do behave or do well at anything. </p><p></p><p>So I guess I am on the fence. Not overpraising, but not willing to pretend I don't have emotions either.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 306767, member: 1233"] I am also torn about the article. I did not read the articles referenced yet. I do think homework is badly misused in our schools though. As for this, I have no problem showing irritation at a child who has refused to do something. I also have no problem making a child do a chore for me in exchange for me mending something they ripped, or doing something special that THEY asked for. If I suggest it or offer it then I don't expect that. ALL of my kids know I love them. Period. Even Wiz, who has thanked me for loving him and hugging him even when he was in his abusive stage. NOT a thank you I or anyone else ever thought about being needed. In the immediate aftermath of an argument or explosion from a child, or as i discover the child lied about doing a chore that they didn't do, I often need a small amount of time before I can hug them. I mean 5 minutes or so. Not hours or days. Just a few minutes to reset my brain and emotions. They all are sure in the knowledge that tehy are loved. period. ESP after all the stuff with Wiz the kids know there is NOTHING they can do that will keep me from loving them. I see it as emotional blackmail of a parent to not be able to show a child when their actions have hurt you. How are they to learn to be courteous and kind if we are some creature who cannot be hurt by their actions? How do they learn to control their emotions if we don't show them that we HAVE emotions? Esp emotions triggered by the actions of another. I don't go for "Eat one bite for gpa, won't you make gpa happy by eating a bite?" (we don't use "taking a bite" because my kids would take the bite. And feed it to the dog or put it in the trash, LOL! Talk about startling my dad - Jess actually DID this to him at age 22 months.) I don't praise everything my kids do. Maybe I don't praise enough, I don't know. But I do see a point in not using emotions to blackmail a child do behave or do well at anything. So I guess I am on the fence. Not overpraising, but not willing to pretend I don't have emotions either. [/QUOTE]
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When a Parent's "I love you" means "Do as I say"
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