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When an improved difficult child starts falling apart, what to do?
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 617295" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>Havehadenough, I laughed out loud when I read that you hit your difficult child with your purse...........and for 10 minutes..........holy moly, not like the rest of us here haven't wanted to do that!!! As Cedar said, that was worth months of therapy!</p><p></p><p>I understand the level of frustration you would feel when you believe you might slip back into the hell you lived in before. The difference may be that you will now respond quite differently which will change everything. If you aren't willing to throw him out at this point, then you MUST set absolutely, clear, impenetrable, unshakable boundaries which you express to him clearly and then act upon if broken. The only way he will ever learn is for you to change how you respond to him and hold him accountable for his choices and behavior. The only way that works is if you follow through, otherwise don't bother because your word will mean nothing if you aren't willing to follow through. One choice some of us have made is to write up a contract which maps out what you expect and what the consequences are.</p><p></p><p>It helps if we get clear on what we are willing to do, what we are NOT willing to do, what we want and what we don't want. It isn't as easy as I just want peace in my home, often our kids have no idea what that means so we have to enlighten them. And, the way to do that is by being clear with your expectations and having clear boundaries and rules which once broken, clear consequences reign. No excuses or loop holes accepted............end of story. Once we parents get to that point where we are now willing to respond differently, EVERYTHING changes, but conversely, if we don't change OUR responses, NOTHING changes.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 617295, member: 13542"] Havehadenough, I laughed out loud when I read that you hit your difficult child with your purse...........and for 10 minutes..........holy moly, not like the rest of us here haven't wanted to do that!!! As Cedar said, that was worth months of therapy! I understand the level of frustration you would feel when you believe you might slip back into the hell you lived in before. The difference may be that you will now respond quite differently which will change everything. If you aren't willing to throw him out at this point, then you MUST set absolutely, clear, impenetrable, unshakable boundaries which you express to him clearly and then act upon if broken. The only way he will ever learn is for you to change how you respond to him and hold him accountable for his choices and behavior. The only way that works is if you follow through, otherwise don't bother because your word will mean nothing if you aren't willing to follow through. One choice some of us have made is to write up a contract which maps out what you expect and what the consequences are. It helps if we get clear on what we are willing to do, what we are NOT willing to do, what we want and what we don't want. It isn't as easy as I just want peace in my home, often our kids have no idea what that means so we have to enlighten them. And, the way to do that is by being clear with your expectations and having clear boundaries and rules which once broken, clear consequences reign. No excuses or loop holes accepted............end of story. Once we parents get to that point where we are now willing to respond differently, EVERYTHING changes, but conversely, if we don't change OUR responses, NOTHING changes. [/QUOTE]
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When an improved difficult child starts falling apart, what to do?
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