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When are we assuming too much?
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<blockquote data-quote="slsh" data-source="post: 621587" data-attributes="member: 8"><p>We all bring our biases to the board. It's unavoidable. I actually didn't respond to that particular post because my difficult child's girlfriend committed suicide 1-1/2 years ago.... *None* of us saw it coming, and I cannot begin to express the devastating effects of it, not only on difficult child but on the rest of my family. It is still devastating and very much a big part of our lives today; affects a lot of our interactions, perhaps for the better in terms of gentleness, but at the very core is a lot of hurt and anger and pain and grief and what-ifs. I miss the young woman more than I can tell you, and I'm ... guilt-ridden, truth be told, that I had absolutely *no* idea she was in such distress. At the same time, I'm extremely angry that she did this to my son, my family, herself. </p><p></p><p>I think at the end of the day there has to be a recognition that we, as parents, can only do so much. My difficult child has been admitted multiple times for suicidal ideation. He's also a master manipulator, and if the hospital staff can't recognize the manipulation... there is very little I can do about it. Maybe it's a defeatist attitude... but if my difficult child cannot/will not help himself, there is absolutely *nothing* I can do about it. Nothing. Ever.</p><p></p><p>I think the vast majority of us, if not *all* of us since we're here in the first place, have worked to support our kids in getting treatment. We are unfortunately dealing with a system that recognizes the right of self-determination, which has never made sense to me when you're dealing with a mentally ill child (or adult child). If a person is not an imminent danger to himself or others, they cannot be held involuntarily. Sometimes supporting them to receive appropriate treatment just isn't going to cut it. </p><p></p><p>I think maybe you're misinterpreting responses. The reality is that once our kids hit 18, and in a lot of states the age of consent for psychiatric tx is much younger, there is very little we can do to *force* treatment. We can encourage our kids, but ... mentally ill, substance abusing, or a combination of the two.... unless/until *they* buy into the fact that they are struggling and need help, we are virtually powerless to force the issue. </p><p></p><p>It's an important subject to ponder - what can we do to encourage tx - but it needs to be tempered with the knowledge that our kids are not always ready to accept that encouragement.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="slsh, post: 621587, member: 8"] We all bring our biases to the board. It's unavoidable. I actually didn't respond to that particular post because my difficult child's girlfriend committed suicide 1-1/2 years ago.... *None* of us saw it coming, and I cannot begin to express the devastating effects of it, not only on difficult child but on the rest of my family. It is still devastating and very much a big part of our lives today; affects a lot of our interactions, perhaps for the better in terms of gentleness, but at the very core is a lot of hurt and anger and pain and grief and what-ifs. I miss the young woman more than I can tell you, and I'm ... guilt-ridden, truth be told, that I had absolutely *no* idea she was in such distress. At the same time, I'm extremely angry that she did this to my son, my family, herself. I think at the end of the day there has to be a recognition that we, as parents, can only do so much. My difficult child has been admitted multiple times for suicidal ideation. He's also a master manipulator, and if the hospital staff can't recognize the manipulation... there is very little I can do about it. Maybe it's a defeatist attitude... but if my difficult child cannot/will not help himself, there is absolutely *nothing* I can do about it. Nothing. Ever. I think the vast majority of us, if not *all* of us since we're here in the first place, have worked to support our kids in getting treatment. We are unfortunately dealing with a system that recognizes the right of self-determination, which has never made sense to me when you're dealing with a mentally ill child (or adult child). If a person is not an imminent danger to himself or others, they cannot be held involuntarily. Sometimes supporting them to receive appropriate treatment just isn't going to cut it. I think maybe you're misinterpreting responses. The reality is that once our kids hit 18, and in a lot of states the age of consent for psychiatric tx is much younger, there is very little we can do to *force* treatment. We can encourage our kids, but ... mentally ill, substance abusing, or a combination of the two.... unless/until *they* buy into the fact that they are struggling and need help, we are virtually powerless to force the issue. It's an important subject to ponder - what can we do to encourage tx - but it needs to be tempered with the knowledge that our kids are not always ready to accept that encouragement. [/QUOTE]
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