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Parent Emeritus
When are we assuming too much?
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 621603" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Hmmmmmmmm....read again.</p><p></p><p>Nobody, nobody, not one person has ever said there is nno hope. What we are saying is that we as parents can not make it happen for our adult children unless they want our help and want to get better. And it's true. We can't. There is hope if t he adult child himself decides he's had enough and changes. You see sober people in AA and NA meetings all the time. They decided to get better. You see people in self-help mental health groups leading the newcomers who are scared and wonder if they will get better...and they feel good because they see that the leader, who has been through it, did get better. And they share, like we do, in those groups. And everyone decides what is right for himself/herself out of the discussions.</p><p></p><p>Just because WE can't do it for them and just because they may not be ready RIGHT NOW does not mean there is no hope. At the same time, some don't improve. I have never seen anybody imply that anything is hopeless. It is really up to the individual whether or not they want to be helped. And how hard they want to work at it. And some things are fixed more easily than others. The vast majority of our difficult children have a lot of hard work to do if they want to get well, and, no, we can't do it for them. But that doesn't mean they can't or never will do it themselves. My own daughter is a great example of somebody who did turn it around. Patriot's Girl's daughter had to go to jail and have a baby to turn it around. It can happen, but we the parents can not be the ones who make it happen. </p><p></p><p>I like "radical acceptance." Maybe somebody else finds peace another way. Any way is okay if it works for you.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 621603, member: 1550"] Hmmmmmmmm....read again. Nobody, nobody, not one person has ever said there is nno hope. What we are saying is that we as parents can not make it happen for our adult children unless they want our help and want to get better. And it's true. We can't. There is hope if t he adult child himself decides he's had enough and changes. You see sober people in AA and NA meetings all the time. They decided to get better. You see people in self-help mental health groups leading the newcomers who are scared and wonder if they will get better...and they feel good because they see that the leader, who has been through it, did get better. And they share, like we do, in those groups. And everyone decides what is right for himself/herself out of the discussions. Just because WE can't do it for them and just because they may not be ready RIGHT NOW does not mean there is no hope. At the same time, some don't improve. I have never seen anybody imply that anything is hopeless. It is really up to the individual whether or not they want to be helped. And how hard they want to work at it. And some things are fixed more easily than others. The vast majority of our difficult children have a lot of hard work to do if they want to get well, and, no, we can't do it for them. But that doesn't mean they can't or never will do it themselves. My own daughter is a great example of somebody who did turn it around. Patriot's Girl's daughter had to go to jail and have a baby to turn it around. It can happen, but we the parents can not be the ones who make it happen. I like "radical acceptance." Maybe somebody else finds peace another way. Any way is okay if it works for you. [/QUOTE]
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When are we assuming too much?
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