SunnyF, re: "Stick to your gun and don't allow a driver's license until difficult child shapes up. Use the Do To Get philosophy and stick to it. It's ok if he hates you....that's your job to get him where he needs to be. If he makes it to adulthood and is able to be a productive citizen....he can come back and build a relationship with you later."
Truer words were NEVER spoken. My difficult child's therapist and I have a three step plan: 1 - get the kid working on life skills again so he doesn't starve when he hits the street; 2 - get him some help with his drug/pot problem (although nearly dying from an asthma attack puts a new spin on this objective; 3 - work on getting him more plugged in to a mutually beneficial relationship with the family.
Life skills is most important; I've known several potheads and drunks who were still able to hold a job. Drugs are a close second, but only because he's not into anything "hard" (random drug tests keep him honest), and good relationship with us is last. I can take being hated if I know he's able to take care of himself. :slap:
Also, my Dad and I never had a good relationship until I was out of college and an adult. Only then could I approach him on somewhat equal terms, and allow the bridge to be built. So I'm not too worried about my kiddo hating me now, since I can hope that when the testosterone poisoning and acting out subside (fingers crossed) we can figure out how to get along.
Mikey
