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When Grandparents get Angry with difficult child Autism Behaviors
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<blockquote data-quote="WearyWoman" data-source="post: 368610"><p>Janet - Thanks for sharing about your situation. I'm glad to not be alone in my extended family situation. I wouldn't do well with the name calling that you mentioned. It's so inappropriate and hurtful.</p><p> </p><p>gcvmom - You are VERY fortunate to have that one person who is willing and able to help. It sounds like you know that already. I would definitely consider having my mom watch the kids on her own, but she doesn't drive, and we live an hour away. So my dad usually drives her everywhere. I did have her over for one day where my dad dropped her off at our house, and that worked out okay. He is a controlling person, though, and he always shows up early to pick her up, which means he's hanging around waiting for us to get back (opportunity to get angry with kids). </p><p> </p><p>The sad thing is that my parents wanted to spend time with difficult child. They said they wanted to have him overnight several times this summer to spend time with him. This is the first time he's been over to their house this year without me, for heaven's sake. That's what upsets me so much - that my dad cannot be patient for just an afternoon even. We don't go up there to visit often, because we know he gets angry about EVERYTHING (he swears under his breath if difficult child says "Grandpa" too many times - it's ridiculous, and I'm sick of it, quite frankly). The last thing we need is having angry behavior modeled for difficult child when we already have difficulty with meltdowns at home. I've tried to talk to my dad about this, and he always laughs and pretends that he's not that angry. He just doesn't get how upsetting this is to me. There's no way I'll let difficult child over there without us any more. </p><p> </p><p>I do have one sister who is certainly capable of watching difficult child, but she seldom ever offers (though she babysits for all of her neighbor kids and in-laws, etc.). She has watched a neice who is in a wheelchair and needs significant care, as well as a number of ADHD neices/nephews, but not my difficult child. When I try to talk to my mom and sister about my dad's behavior - why we don't come to visit often, etc., they say, "Well, that's just the way he is.", as though I should just accept his behavior. No wonder he continues with it. It works for him, and no one holds him accountable.</p><p> </p><p>The skin cancer thing looming in my mind is not good. I know it's not going to kill me, but it's another stressor in the mix, and as I mentioned, it's so hard to schedule appointments/surgery without childcare assistance.</p><p> </p><p>I've been praying a lot lately. I know God is with me through all of this and that he never fails.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="WearyWoman, post: 368610"] Janet - Thanks for sharing about your situation. I'm glad to not be alone in my extended family situation. I wouldn't do well with the name calling that you mentioned. It's so inappropriate and hurtful. gcvmom - You are VERY fortunate to have that one person who is willing and able to help. It sounds like you know that already. I would definitely consider having my mom watch the kids on her own, but she doesn't drive, and we live an hour away. So my dad usually drives her everywhere. I did have her over for one day where my dad dropped her off at our house, and that worked out okay. He is a controlling person, though, and he always shows up early to pick her up, which means he's hanging around waiting for us to get back (opportunity to get angry with kids). The sad thing is that my parents wanted to spend time with difficult child. They said they wanted to have him overnight several times this summer to spend time with him. This is the first time he's been over to their house this year without me, for heaven's sake. That's what upsets me so much - that my dad cannot be patient for just an afternoon even. We don't go up there to visit often, because we know he gets angry about EVERYTHING (he swears under his breath if difficult child says "Grandpa" too many times - it's ridiculous, and I'm sick of it, quite frankly). The last thing we need is having angry behavior modeled for difficult child when we already have difficulty with meltdowns at home. I've tried to talk to my dad about this, and he always laughs and pretends that he's not that angry. He just doesn't get how upsetting this is to me. There's no way I'll let difficult child over there without us any more. I do have one sister who is certainly capable of watching difficult child, but she seldom ever offers (though she babysits for all of her neighbor kids and in-laws, etc.). She has watched a neice who is in a wheelchair and needs significant care, as well as a number of ADHD neices/nephews, but not my difficult child. When I try to talk to my mom and sister about my dad's behavior - why we don't come to visit often, etc., they say, "Well, that's just the way he is.", as though I should just accept his behavior. No wonder he continues with it. It works for him, and no one holds him accountable. The skin cancer thing looming in my mind is not good. I know it's not going to kill me, but it's another stressor in the mix, and as I mentioned, it's so hard to schedule appointments/surgery without childcare assistance. I've been praying a lot lately. I know God is with me through all of this and that he never fails. [/QUOTE]
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