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Substance Abuse
When is it ok to walk away?
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<blockquote data-quote="New Leaf" data-source="post: 724673" data-attributes="member: 19522"><p>You have received some very good advice, Lost. I am sorry for your frustration, hurt and sadness. There are so many emotions we go through, when our kids don't successfully launch. It is as much a learning for us, at it is for them. You are in a good place here, many have been in similar situations. That is a good question. When is the time to walk away?</p><p>Do we ever really walk away? Not really, because we love our kids.</p><p>I liken it to when the kids first learned to ride a bike, and we took off the training wheels, running beside them to make sure they didn't fall. Eventually, we had to let go, they would ride all wobbly and we would stand there, hands wringing, hoping they stayed upright. It didn't take long for them to be confidently riding their bikes, and we didn't have to stand there and be so worried. They would fall, too, and get back up and ride.</p><p>Rather than walking away, it is more a shifting of focus.</p><p>Hard to do, when they are figuratively still "wobbly on their bikes."</p><p> I found this to be true with my two. We were always there to "catch" them. They began to feel that we were supposed to be there as a safety net, no matter what they did. </p><p> This is hard, Lost, a battle inside of you. That is what I mean by shifting your focus. Try to find help for <em>you</em>, to sort out your feelings, to find your way through, to strengthen yourself. We get so caught up in all of this, trying to figure out how to help our d cs, that we forget to take care of ourselves. We don't see what is happening to us. </p><p>By shifting your focus to self care, the answers you seek will come in due time. You will figure out what you need to do, no matter what your son is doing. After all, our d cs will do what they choose. No matter what we do. We don't have much control there. Even if we think we do.</p><p>Being here, writing and reading posts is a good start. Build up your toolbox, the article on detachment is good, it's not about walking away, <em>it's about finding healthy ways for you to walk this journey.</em></p><p><a href="http://www.conductdisorders.com/community/threads/article-on-detachment.53639/#ixzz4NPcnawgD" target="_blank">http://www.conductdisorders.com/community/threads/article-on-detachment.53639/#ixzz4NPcnawgD</a></p><p>Life is so very short. Stress, anxiety and frustration rob us of good health. There is no telling when our d cs will see their potential and meaning (it has been a long, long road for me).</p><p>In the meantime, you have your life to live, <em>you matter</em>.</p><p>Be very, very kind to yourself.</p><p>It can be as simple as taking a nice, long hot bath, a pedicure, watching a movie, going out for dinner with your husband.</p><p>One small step at a time.</p><p>You matter, Lost.</p><p>You are not alone in this. We have all been right where you are, feeling lost in the sadness of it all, just wanting our kids to be okay, to do the right thing.</p><p>Keep posting, it does help.</p><p>I hope today will be a better day for you.</p><p>(((HUGS)))</p><p>Leafy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="New Leaf, post: 724673, member: 19522"] You have received some very good advice, Lost. I am sorry for your frustration, hurt and sadness. There are so many emotions we go through, when our kids don't successfully launch. It is as much a learning for us, at it is for them. You are in a good place here, many have been in similar situations. That is a good question. When is the time to walk away? Do we ever really walk away? Not really, because we love our kids. I liken it to when the kids first learned to ride a bike, and we took off the training wheels, running beside them to make sure they didn't fall. Eventually, we had to let go, they would ride all wobbly and we would stand there, hands wringing, hoping they stayed upright. It didn't take long for them to be confidently riding their bikes, and we didn't have to stand there and be so worried. They would fall, too, and get back up and ride. Rather than walking away, it is more a shifting of focus. Hard to do, when they are figuratively still "wobbly on their bikes." I found this to be true with my two. We were always there to "catch" them. They began to feel that we were supposed to be there as a safety net, no matter what they did. This is hard, Lost, a battle inside of you. That is what I mean by shifting your focus. Try to find help for [I]you[/I], to sort out your feelings, to find your way through, to strengthen yourself. We get so caught up in all of this, trying to figure out how to help our d cs, that we forget to take care of ourselves. We don't see what is happening to us. By shifting your focus to self care, the answers you seek will come in due time. You will figure out what you need to do, no matter what your son is doing. After all, our d cs will do what they choose. No matter what we do. We don't have much control there. Even if we think we do. Being here, writing and reading posts is a good start. Build up your toolbox, the article on detachment is good, it's not about walking away, [I]it's about finding healthy ways for you to walk this journey.[/I] [URL]http://www.conductdisorders.com/community/threads/article-on-detachment.53639/#ixzz4NPcnawgD[/URL] Life is so very short. Stress, anxiety and frustration rob us of good health. There is no telling when our d cs will see their potential and meaning (it has been a long, long road for me). In the meantime, you have your life to live, [I]you matter[/I]. Be very, very kind to yourself. It can be as simple as taking a nice, long hot bath, a pedicure, watching a movie, going out for dinner with your husband. One small step at a time. You matter, Lost. You are not alone in this. We have all been right where you are, feeling lost in the sadness of it all, just wanting our kids to be okay, to do the right thing. Keep posting, it does help. I hope today will be a better day for you. (((HUGS))) Leafy [/QUOTE]
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