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Parent Emeritus
When is total detachment the right thing to do?
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 617703" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>My daughter knew why I did what I did. There was no reason to talk about it. We had warned her many times before we did it.Do you really want to hear how you MADE him attack you again by provoking him? That's not true...nobody made him do anything...he chose to do it and in my opinion that is violence and pretty high up there on the "whatever-I-do-to-you-for-that-you-deserve-with-no-explanation" list. My daughter never touched me. She broke our rules and the law though and lied and stole...she knew darn well, when we walked in on her drug party, why she was going to be leaving. Do you really think your son needs to have it spelled out for him? He doesn't know? I think he knows but will use "let's talk about it time" as a forum to abuse you and tell you how awful you are and to scare you and/or tell him you'll never see him again (as soon as he needs money, you will hear from him again. Trust me!)</p><p></p><p>I try not to give anyone acting like a difficult child a reason to argue. They argue like lawyers and think everything is your fault and then it gives them a free forum to verbally abuse and to threaten you with their disappearance. Or they threaten suicide, which is a pretty common guilt trip and threat among difficult children.</p><p></p><p>So in my case, I knew my daughter was not dumb...she knew why. After she left, she would not talk to me for three weeks. When she finally did, the subject did not come up. She knew she couldn't change my mind. I don't think they "discuss" anything with us. They just tell us how horrible we are, no matter what our reasoning is unless they truly believe we mean what we say.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 617703, member: 1550"] My daughter knew why I did what I did. There was no reason to talk about it. We had warned her many times before we did it.Do you really want to hear how you MADE him attack you again by provoking him? That's not true...nobody made him do anything...he chose to do it and in my opinion that is violence and pretty high up there on the "whatever-I-do-to-you-for-that-you-deserve-with-no-explanation" list. My daughter never touched me. She broke our rules and the law though and lied and stole...she knew darn well, when we walked in on her drug party, why she was going to be leaving. Do you really think your son needs to have it spelled out for him? He doesn't know? I think he knows but will use "let's talk about it time" as a forum to abuse you and tell you how awful you are and to scare you and/or tell him you'll never see him again (as soon as he needs money, you will hear from him again. Trust me!) I try not to give anyone acting like a difficult child a reason to argue. They argue like lawyers and think everything is your fault and then it gives them a free forum to verbally abuse and to threaten you with their disappearance. Or they threaten suicide, which is a pretty common guilt trip and threat among difficult children. So in my case, I knew my daughter was not dumb...she knew why. After she left, she would not talk to me for three weeks. When she finally did, the subject did not come up. She knew she couldn't change my mind. I don't think they "discuss" anything with us. They just tell us how horrible we are, no matter what our reasoning is unless they truly believe we mean what we say. [/QUOTE]
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When is total detachment the right thing to do?
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