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Parent Emeritus
When it Rains, it Pours
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 764611" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>I think that some part of my son wants the life I want for him. I don't think it's pure manipulation and lying when he says this or that to secure some part of what I have (to offer or to take advantage of.) I think it's as much self-deceit and self-deception. </p><p></p><p>I think this is the issue for my son. He sees change as coming from outside of himself. The manipulation of circumstance, securing results from another person, rather than changing himself. </p><p></p><p>I think that the 12-step groups work on this. First, beginning to accept one's absolute weakness and vulnerability in the face of reality, And then finding and cultivating true strength and power in the face of this. When we accept "a higher power" and then put this relationship in the place of the addiction, is when we are empowered. </p><p></p><p>I have yet to see any other way that either makes sense or works. </p><p></p><p>New Leaf, when you say "change within myself" I see you saying this same thing. It's giving up power to feed our addiction to believing that we have the power to change or save our children. </p><p></p><p>But we do have the ability to face reality and make our primary relationship be between ourselves and reality which to me is G-d. </p><p></p><p>At the core of all of this is humility and acceptance of our powerlessness. Which is the basis of strength. </p><p></p><p>The whole thing is not about boundaries. Not about distance or saying no or enabling or not enabling. It's an acceptance of what is true.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 764611, member: 18958"] I think that some part of my son wants the life I want for him. I don't think it's pure manipulation and lying when he says this or that to secure some part of what I have (to offer or to take advantage of.) I think it's as much self-deceit and self-deception. I think this is the issue for my son. He sees change as coming from outside of himself. The manipulation of circumstance, securing results from another person, rather than changing himself. I think that the 12-step groups work on this. First, beginning to accept one's absolute weakness and vulnerability in the face of reality, And then finding and cultivating true strength and power in the face of this. When we accept "a higher power" and then put this relationship in the place of the addiction, is when we are empowered. I have yet to see any other way that either makes sense or works. New Leaf, when you say "change within myself" I see you saying this same thing. It's giving up power to feed our addiction to believing that we have the power to change or save our children. But we do have the ability to face reality and make our primary relationship be between ourselves and reality which to me is G-d. At the core of all of this is humility and acceptance of our powerlessness. Which is the basis of strength. The whole thing is not about boundaries. Not about distance or saying no or enabling or not enabling. It's an acceptance of what is true. [/QUOTE]
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