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When people are ostracized from family, it is because the family did not like their choices.
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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 656344" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>I see no lack of intelligence in your posts, Confused.</p><p></p><p>Hello! I am so glad you are here with us, too. Take very good care of yourself now, as you go through having a look at the things you were taught to believe about yourself. Toxicity washes through us, seemingly as strong as it was the first time those things they wanted us to believe about ourselves were sealed beneath that thin, unbreakable veneer of self-contempt.</p><p></p><p>You are so worth it, Confused.</p><p></p><p>Hold faith with yourself, and with us.</p><p></p><p>We are right here.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>That is the second "intelligence" hit. That is the true thing you know that is trying to be healed. YOU were the intelligent one. So intelligent, in fact, that this is one of the places they determined to hurt you.</p><p></p><p>True.</p><p></p><p>My mother tells me to this day, implies it in a thousand ways, that I am not capable of thinking correctly.</p><p></p><p>Interesting that the same woundings were the chosen woundings.</p><p></p><p><em>What better way to break a little girl who trusted her parent to tell her true things?</em></p><p></p><p><em></em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em><img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/emoticons/hugs.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":hugs:" title="hugs :hugs:" data-shortname=":hugs:" /></em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em>Small steps, Confused.</em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em>That's how to do it.</em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em>One small step at a time. Soon, you will be somewhere else, somewhere healthier.</em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em>Then, you will be strong enough to take another small step.</em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em>Sorry for the italics. The site will not slip me back to normal text. </em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em>Check online for projects specifically designed to help parents intending to break into the job market after being home with their children. </em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em>Call a local women's shelter. They will know.</em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em>If they don't, do a generic online search.</em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em>If that doesn't work, post here.</em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em>We will help you find such a program.</em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em>Remember those Rocky movies? That's you, Confused. And he won, and so will you.</em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em>Against all odds because, just like Eckhart Tolle tells us, the pain body cannot stand before the fact of our presence. And that is what our abusers did to us. They hurt us into believing our presence was not good, was not strong.</em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em>They were wrong.</em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em>Oh, that's perfect!</em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em>I am so happy for you both. We heal together.</em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em>That is part of why our dysfunctional relatives try so hard to prevent that.</em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em>Why doesn't matter.</em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em>I don't know, either.</em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em>What I do know is that we don't have to believe them. Once we see them, once we see those bad, hurtful patterns and realize they are doing this to everyone in their lives...then we can choose to be free.</em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em>It's like we are under a spell.</em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em>Don't believe them. Even if you do believe them, know that place inside has come back to you now, so visible and hurtful, to be healed.</em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em>And it is coming back now because now, you are strong enough.</em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em>Nothing can stand, before the simple fact of our presence.</em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em>That was Eckhart, of course.</em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em>***</em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em>The other thing. About job interviews. This is a practice, Confused. When you are ready, you will be offered the job that is already out there, waiting for you. In the interim, with every interview, you are learning how to do this thing.</em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em>It is hard.</em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em>You can do it.</em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em>Absolutely. You can do this. I have every faith in you. For now, until you are stronger enough to hold strong for yourself, that we believe in you will be enough.</em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em>One day, when you are healed too, you will help others.</em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em>That's how it works.</em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em>We can only clarify issues for others that we have come through, ourselves.</em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em>Here is a story:</em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em>You are lost in a primitive forest. It is night. You are determined, but you don't know where you are going.</em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em>All you know is that you have decided to move.</em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em>No moon.</em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em>No stars.</em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em>No light, at all.</em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em>Huge, twisted trees, so ancient, all around you.</em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em>You cannot see how to go.</em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em>Then, far, so far in the distance, you see the dim glow of light.</em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em>That is us. We are on the other side of the forest. We know you are coming.</em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em>We are holding the light.</em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em>:O)</em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em>Cedar</em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em><img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/emoticons/starplucker.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":starplucker:" title="starplucker :starplucker:" data-shortname=":starplucker:" /></em></p><p><em></em></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 656344, member: 17461"] I see no lack of intelligence in your posts, Confused. Hello! I am so glad you are here with us, too. Take very good care of yourself now, as you go through having a look at the things you were taught to believe about yourself. Toxicity washes through us, seemingly as strong as it was the first time those things they wanted us to believe about ourselves were sealed beneath that thin, unbreakable veneer of self-contempt. You are so worth it, Confused. Hold faith with yourself, and with us. We are right here. That is the second "intelligence" hit. That is the true thing you know that is trying to be healed. YOU were the intelligent one. So intelligent, in fact, that this is one of the places they determined to hurt you. True. My mother tells me to this day, implies it in a thousand ways, that I am not capable of thinking correctly. Interesting that the same woundings were the chosen woundings. [I]What better way to break a little girl who trusted her parent to tell her true things?[/I] [I] :hugs: Small steps, Confused. That's how to do it. One small step at a time. Soon, you will be somewhere else, somewhere healthier. Then, you will be strong enough to take another small step. Sorry for the italics. The site will not slip me back to normal text. Check online for projects specifically designed to help parents intending to break into the job market after being home with their children. Call a local women's shelter. They will know. If they don't, do a generic online search. If that doesn't work, post here. We will help you find such a program. Remember those Rocky movies? That's you, Confused. And he won, and so will you. Against all odds because, just like Eckhart Tolle tells us, the pain body cannot stand before the fact of our presence. And that is what our abusers did to us. They hurt us into believing our presence was not good, was not strong. They were wrong. Oh, that's perfect! I am so happy for you both. We heal together. That is part of why our dysfunctional relatives try so hard to prevent that. Why doesn't matter. I don't know, either. What I do know is that we don't have to believe them. Once we see them, once we see those bad, hurtful patterns and realize they are doing this to everyone in their lives...then we can choose to be free. It's like we are under a spell. Don't believe them. Even if you do believe them, know that place inside has come back to you now, so visible and hurtful, to be healed. And it is coming back now because now, you are strong enough. Nothing can stand, before the simple fact of our presence. That was Eckhart, of course. *** The other thing. About job interviews. This is a practice, Confused. When you are ready, you will be offered the job that is already out there, waiting for you. In the interim, with every interview, you are learning how to do this thing. It is hard. You can do it. Absolutely. You can do this. I have every faith in you. For now, until you are stronger enough to hold strong for yourself, that we believe in you will be enough. One day, when you are healed too, you will help others. That's how it works. We can only clarify issues for others that we have come through, ourselves. Here is a story: You are lost in a primitive forest. It is night. You are determined, but you don't know where you are going. All you know is that you have decided to move. No moon. No stars. No light, at all. Huge, twisted trees, so ancient, all around you. You cannot see how to go. Then, far, so far in the distance, you see the dim glow of light. That is us. We are on the other side of the forest. We know you are coming. We are holding the light. :O) Cedar :starplucker: [/I] [/QUOTE]
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When people are ostracized from family, it is because the family did not like their choices.
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