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when relatives don't want your kids near their kids...
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<blockquote data-quote="recovering doormat" data-source="post: 205018" data-attributes="member: 5941"><p>I'm still getting tearful now and then but I suppose I should be glad that my brother was honest with me. It would have been much worse if I'd gone down there and felt that the vibe was all wrong, and that they were resentful of me for bringing my kids.</p><p> </p><p>I'm all for getting these kids to own their behavior, but unfortunately, only my son seems to get it. My youngest has a football game to cheer for and plenty of friends at home,so she doesn't care. My oldest is probably making a voodoo doll of my brother right now.</p><p> </p><p>This is a good lesson for me to keep my trap shut. My mom is my main confidant through my messy divorce and she knows way too much about her grandkids, and it does get funneled to others. She has a big mouth and I know that...it's just that things have been so awful for me for a long time now, that there is precious little I can talk to her about. I think I have to learn to white lie better and just tell her everything is great...while doubling up on the appts. with-my therapist. I'm also looking into a support group for myself.</p><p> </p><p>My kids have been troubled for a long time, and although I know my brother and his wife love me and my kids, he has a hard time relating to their issues. I think he sees them as spoiled brats who needed tough love a long time ago and didn't get it. He told me once that he just couldnt' understand my oldest not being able to get out of bed to go to school when she was at her most depressed. I told him that I hoped to God that he never had to deal with a child who had major depression. He tends to have very strong opinions and to see things in black and white; what's interesting is that when he was a teenager he was party animal/stoner/rock n roller who thought nothing of lighting up a bong in the house while my mom was at work. He still tokes up from time to time and is a very social drinker (read: functioning alcoholic). I did not raise any of these issues during our conversation.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recovering doormat, post: 205018, member: 5941"] I'm still getting tearful now and then but I suppose I should be glad that my brother was honest with me. It would have been much worse if I'd gone down there and felt that the vibe was all wrong, and that they were resentful of me for bringing my kids. I'm all for getting these kids to own their behavior, but unfortunately, only my son seems to get it. My youngest has a football game to cheer for and plenty of friends at home,so she doesn't care. My oldest is probably making a voodoo doll of my brother right now. This is a good lesson for me to keep my trap shut. My mom is my main confidant through my messy divorce and she knows way too much about her grandkids, and it does get funneled to others. She has a big mouth and I know that...it's just that things have been so awful for me for a long time now, that there is precious little I can talk to her about. I think I have to learn to white lie better and just tell her everything is great...while doubling up on the appts. with-my therapist. I'm also looking into a support group for myself. My kids have been troubled for a long time, and although I know my brother and his wife love me and my kids, he has a hard time relating to their issues. I think he sees them as spoiled brats who needed tough love a long time ago and didn't get it. He told me once that he just couldnt' understand my oldest not being able to get out of bed to go to school when she was at her most depressed. I told him that I hoped to God that he never had to deal with a child who had major depression. He tends to have very strong opinions and to see things in black and white; what's interesting is that when he was a teenager he was party animal/stoner/rock n roller who thought nothing of lighting up a bong in the house while my mom was at work. He still tokes up from time to time and is a very social drinker (read: functioning alcoholic). I did not raise any of these issues during our conversation. [/QUOTE]
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