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when relatives don't want your kids near their kids...
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<blockquote data-quote="Fran" data-source="post: 205133" data-attributes="member: 3"><p>For what it's worth, complicating the situation with a lot of family dynamics can either dilute or make it difficult to see the point.</p><p>The kids didn't meltdown or over react emotionally. They made choices to bring alcohol and strangers into your home. Needless to say this is dangerous and disrespectful to you and your home. You are dealing with things on your own but the consequence is that others don't trust them. </p><p>Having others not want them to ruin another person's day is reasonable. It's not about your kids. It's about a celebration for another child. </p><p>All the mom/brother/ family stuff is just background. </p><p>Your oldest shouldn't be blaming his uncle. He should be putting a mirror up to himself and ask how it got to be this way and what could he do to make it better. </p><p>The kids will have to earn back trust from you and the family. </p><p>I think it was a good thing that brother invited you and loves you enough to realize there was a problem. He wants you in his life but until the kids pull themselves out of this ugly place, he doesn't want to have them around. Let's face it, he isn't upset with a kid with depression or anxiety is he? He is upset with the behaviors that you described. </p><p></p><p>I know it hurts. Everyone wants their family to love their kids but some of our kids aren't always lovable to others. No one is obligated to like our kids. Some days I'm not too wild about my own kids. I have no expectation that anyone else ignore their behavior. I do hope that aunts, uncles, grandparents will allow your kids to earn their acceptance and respect by doing the right thing and by being respectful to the family.</p><p></p><p>The unfortunate thing is that at any point one of your nieces or nephews can fall of the straight path and have problems. Hopefully you will have a high level of tolerance.</p><p></p><p>Hang in there and don't make their behavior your cross. Go to the family function and have a great time. Smother niece with love on her special day and forget for a while that your children aren't there.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Fran, post: 205133, member: 3"] For what it's worth, complicating the situation with a lot of family dynamics can either dilute or make it difficult to see the point. The kids didn't meltdown or over react emotionally. They made choices to bring alcohol and strangers into your home. Needless to say this is dangerous and disrespectful to you and your home. You are dealing with things on your own but the consequence is that others don't trust them. Having others not want them to ruin another person's day is reasonable. It's not about your kids. It's about a celebration for another child. All the mom/brother/ family stuff is just background. Your oldest shouldn't be blaming his uncle. He should be putting a mirror up to himself and ask how it got to be this way and what could he do to make it better. The kids will have to earn back trust from you and the family. I think it was a good thing that brother invited you and loves you enough to realize there was a problem. He wants you in his life but until the kids pull themselves out of this ugly place, he doesn't want to have them around. Let's face it, he isn't upset with a kid with depression or anxiety is he? He is upset with the behaviors that you described. I know it hurts. Everyone wants their family to love their kids but some of our kids aren't always lovable to others. No one is obligated to like our kids. Some days I'm not too wild about my own kids. I have no expectation that anyone else ignore their behavior. I do hope that aunts, uncles, grandparents will allow your kids to earn their acceptance and respect by doing the right thing and by being respectful to the family. The unfortunate thing is that at any point one of your nieces or nephews can fall of the straight path and have problems. Hopefully you will have a high level of tolerance. Hang in there and don't make their behavior your cross. Go to the family function and have a great time. Smother niece with love on her special day and forget for a while that your children aren't there. [/QUOTE]
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