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Parent Emeritus
When the ‘good’ one falls off the rails
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 743929" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Look Elsi. In the past couple weeks all 3 of the kids (not counting E in this group) made some positive choices.It is not fair to N to make him carry "redeemed." I like to think in terms of verbs, not adjectives. In terms of movement, not thingness. N is redeeming himself. Nobody is ever fully redeemed. We are always in process going somewhere, until we die, and only then do we ever become categorically one thing or another. Dead.</p><p>It did. But they will be in process their entire lives. All of us deserve the opportunity to be weak, to err, to fail. Because this is how we grow. There is no other way.</p><p></p><p>People like your kids, and I are all over the map because we lack adequate internal representations of ourselves as people who are deserving, worthwhile, lovable, etc. Except guess what? Your kids did get that through you. You are that in them. Their hope comes from you. You gave them that. But they will not stabilize it for awhile because they have to work through all of the other crap from living with their Dad 20 years. The <img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/2012/censored2.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":censored2:" title="censored2 :censored2:" data-shortname=":censored2:" />.</p><p>First of all, you did not do it for a result. You did it because you loved them. And you were making decisions on the fly. Nobody will ever know if any of us did the right thing or not. Because that is not how real life is decided. You did the right thing. You always did. At great cost to yourself.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 743929, member: 18958"] Look Elsi. In the past couple weeks all 3 of the kids (not counting E in this group) made some positive choices.It is not fair to N to make him carry "redeemed." I like to think in terms of verbs, not adjectives. In terms of movement, not thingness. N is redeeming himself. Nobody is ever fully redeemed. We are always in process going somewhere, until we die, and only then do we ever become categorically one thing or another. Dead. It did. But they will be in process their entire lives. All of us deserve the opportunity to be weak, to err, to fail. Because this is how we grow. There is no other way. People like your kids, and I are all over the map because we lack adequate internal representations of ourselves as people who are deserving, worthwhile, lovable, etc. Except guess what? Your kids did get that through you. You are that in them. Their hope comes from you. You gave them that. But they will not stabilize it for awhile because they have to work through all of the other crap from living with their Dad 20 years. The :censored2:. First of all, you did not do it for a result. You did it because you loved them. And you were making decisions on the fly. Nobody will ever know if any of us did the right thing or not. Because that is not how real life is decided. You did the right thing. You always did. At great cost to yourself. [/QUOTE]
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When the ‘good’ one falls off the rails
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