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Parent Emeritus
When the ‘good’ one falls off the rails
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 743952" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>The only reason I knew is because we were adopting and I devoured every possible resource in books and adoption group about adopted children so I knew about drug exposure, attachment disorder and how many adopted kids are in therapy...a whopping 50 percent of kids in therapy are adopted.</p><p></p><p>Your kids were unofficially adopted by you and lived the same horror show with birthmoher that most adopted kids lived. It is much the same. Father was not that involved early on. And he wasnt a good example. They have drug in utero damage, trauma and adoption like issues.</p><p></p><p> Considering that, they are NOT going to be able to achieve as well as or regulate their emotions as well as or make constant good choices as well as E. This is not in your hands. It happened before you. It happened in the womb of birthmother. It happened when father was violent.</p><p></p><p>You were there to save them from complete collapse, to soften the blow. You were and are the best thing that ever happened to them. But they didnt have E's advantages so they are not like E.</p><p></p><p>That doesnt mean there is no hope. N has proven that he can function in spite of substance abuse in utero (amount unknown) and trauma. So its up to him to do it. Im betting this new girl introduced him to drinking again and alcoholism is as bad as any addiction. In fact benzos and alcohol require medical care to detox. That isnt the case with all drugs. I hope he starts over again. HE CAN!</p><p></p><p>Back to what I learned, I have always been proactive and, although not a college graduate, loved to learn, especially about things that would impact my own life. So I maybe knew more than adoptive parents that did not do research.</p><p></p><p>Then after we adopted Sonic we had him seen at this amazing medical center for drug exposed children. Thats how I know that so many struggling drug exposed in utero adults are not doing well because of birth insult, not just psychological factors. We can TRY to say it is psychological and not physical due to brain insult, but that assumption usually falls short. It is not the whole answer so our adult kids keep trying and failing or they give up because its too hard or they cant. Or all of the above. </p><p></p><p>I think helping these kids to get adult services, including SSI, is a good step. Many of them CAN make it with some adult supports but we are too busy looking for psychological reasons...and that often is not enough.</p><p></p><p>Love and light!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 743952, member: 1550"] The only reason I knew is because we were adopting and I devoured every possible resource in books and adoption group about adopted children so I knew about drug exposure, attachment disorder and how many adopted kids are in therapy...a whopping 50 percent of kids in therapy are adopted. Your kids were unofficially adopted by you and lived the same horror show with birthmoher that most adopted kids lived. It is much the same. Father was not that involved early on. And he wasnt a good example. They have drug in utero damage, trauma and adoption like issues. Considering that, they are NOT going to be able to achieve as well as or regulate their emotions as well as or make constant good choices as well as E. This is not in your hands. It happened before you. It happened in the womb of birthmother. It happened when father was violent. You were there to save them from complete collapse, to soften the blow. You were and are the best thing that ever happened to them. But they didnt have E's advantages so they are not like E. That doesnt mean there is no hope. N has proven that he can function in spite of substance abuse in utero (amount unknown) and trauma. So its up to him to do it. Im betting this new girl introduced him to drinking again and alcoholism is as bad as any addiction. In fact benzos and alcohol require medical care to detox. That isnt the case with all drugs. I hope he starts over again. HE CAN! Back to what I learned, I have always been proactive and, although not a college graduate, loved to learn, especially about things that would impact my own life. So I maybe knew more than adoptive parents that did not do research. Then after we adopted Sonic we had him seen at this amazing medical center for drug exposed children. Thats how I know that so many struggling drug exposed in utero adults are not doing well because of birth insult, not just psychological factors. We can TRY to say it is psychological and not physical due to brain insult, but that assumption usually falls short. It is not the whole answer so our adult kids keep trying and failing or they give up because its too hard or they cant. Or all of the above. I think helping these kids to get adult services, including SSI, is a good step. Many of them CAN make it with some adult supports but we are too busy looking for psychological reasons...and that often is not enough. Love and light! [/QUOTE]
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